


His fall from grace

by TheQueenOfRoses



Category: DreamSMP
Genre: Blood, Emotional Hurt, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied Murder, Insanity, Manipulation, Past Child Abuse, Past Murder, Sleepy Bois Inc Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:29:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28796181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQueenOfRoses/pseuds/TheQueenOfRoses
Summary: Tommy finally gives up and jumps to what he thinks to be his death. That's where things went wrong, he was caught by Techno and shit is about to hit the fan.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 104





	1. The fall

**Author's Note:**

> This does mention depression and thoughts of suicide! Please take care of yourself and don't read if things like this make you uncomfortable.

'This is it,' he thought as he sat a top his tower of miscellaneous blocks. He swung his legs slightly letting the wind catch them and pull them meaninglessly away from him. He smiled slightly as he looked up to the moon. It barely provided any light in its crescent state. The stars seemed to call to him, singing a siren song of death. He had a water bucket with him, it's how he usually got down, but he didn't plan on using it this time. When he climbed up here, he knew it would be the last time he would climb anything ever again. Ironically, he was afraid of heights. Looking down made him sick, thinking about his body mangled and broken on the ground made his head spin. However, it didn't stop him from standing up and taking a deep breath. 'This is it.' he looked up to the sky and took a step back, passing out as he fell.

Technoblade had just gotten back from a night out hunting. He was exhausted to say the least and didn't immediately recognize the boy a top the tower. He stared for a moment, blinking, before the boy began to fall. That's when it hit him. "Tommy!" he cried out rushing towards the falling child, barely catching him in his arms as Tommy's unconscious body used his as a cushion. Techno hissed in pain but the boy seemed to be fine. 

"What the hells wrong with you kid?" He couldn't help but wonder aloud as he took Tommy inside and laid him down in his bed.

He went downstairs and began preparing dinner. Philza would be home soon and he had no idea how he would break the news to him. He tried a few different ideas.  
"Hey Philza! Guess what? Tommy tried jumping to his death earlier while you were gone, kids these days huh?" obviously not a good idea.  
"Phil, I got some bad news, and it's about Tommy. He tried... Jumping earlier." That was too solemn for his tastes.  
"Hey Phil! You won't believe what Tommy got up to! He tried to commit suicide earlier! It's all good though, good ol' Technoblade caught him!" That was somehow worse in every way. 

He sighed and scooped out enough potato soup to fill a bowl before sitting down at the table. 'Maybe I should bring some up to Toms? But I shouldn't wake him.' His mind raced and before he knew it, the soup was gone. No more excuses now, he had to face Tommy. 

He ran his hand along the banister and pushed his pink hair out of his eyes. He wondered if he would make the situation worse by talking to him. Was Techno the reason he jumped? Was he too harsh on the kid? Hushed voices whisked around his mind but he payed no attention to them. 

"Tommy?" His voice was soft, almost sickeningly so. Tommy was standing in front of the window, softly crying to himself. Tommy felt his heart sink as he heard the sound of hooves approaching him. He hadn't heard Techno say his name, he wondered if Techno was mad at him. 

"Tommy, talk to me, please." Techno had never felt this way before, and if he had, he didn't want to remember. 

"Have you told Philza?" Tommy's voice was broken and shook as he spoke. Even someone as oblivious as Ghostbur would be able to tell something was wrong. 

"Philza is out in town right now, he'll be back soon enough." Techno couldn't tell if that soothed Tommy or stressed him out more.

"What do you want then? Come to yell and me and tell me how stupid I am?" Tommy turned around for the first time. His face was a sickly pale shade and his eyes were burning red. You could see where tears had fallen and they almost looked like scars trailing down his cheeks. He was enraged but Techno didn't know why. 

"Tom's I-" Technoblade's voice shook too. He felt terrified but not in the normal way. He was scared of losing his little brother, even if they barely spoke. 

"What Technoblade?! Spit it out you stupid-" 

Technoblade engulfed Tommy in a hug. He'd never done something like this, he wondered if he was hurting Tommy. "What happened to you Tommy, please... You have to tell me."

More tears fell down Tommy's face, more tears than have ever fallen before. Memories of TNT, Withers, Schlatt, Dream, and the discs all flooded in and overwhelmed the boy. He couldn't stop the thoughts as his breathing hitched and became quick. Even though he was taking in so much air, he felt like he was suffocating. He clawed at his throat and sobbed, leaving Techno scared and confused.

"Tommy! Tommy talk to me, please..." Silence fell Upon the two. Techno's panicked eyes met Tommy's broken ones.

"I'm fine, I can look out for myself." Tommy opened the door to the bedroom and walked out leaving Technoblade confused and scared.

Philza hummed a happy tune as he opened the door to the rustic home. The fireplace crackled peacefully as the smell of potatoes hit his nose. He giggled as he realized Techno had made dinner for them. Before he could go grab a bowl of the pitiful stew, Tommy raced down the stairs and pushed past Philza as if he wasn't even there. Philza looked back up the stairs to see a grieving, panicked Technoblade. 

"What's gotten into that child? He's gone mad it seems." Philza snickered to himself before looking back into Techno's eyes and seeing them unchanged. "Techno?" a bit of worry creeped into his voice.

"Phil, we need to talk."


	2. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade explains what happened to Philza and Philza is left with a burning feeling of vengeance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions suicide attempts and self harm, please don't read this if those things trigger you. I love you all and please take care.

Philza sat down at the kitchen table with Techno a worried smile stretched across his face. Phil was always smiling and laughing even when times weren't quite appropriate for either action.

Techno anxiously bounced his leg trying to keep his gaze away from his worried father who was waiting for him to speak. "Phil." His voice sounded more like a squeak than anything. He practiced what he'd say but he never found anything quite appropriate or comfortable. "While you were gone..." He paused again and the worry on Philza's face only grew.

"Techno, what happened?" Philza reached a hand across the table to grab Technoblade's hand, but Techno didn't seem to notice. 

"Tommy jumped off his tower." The words came out in a broken jumble, the opposite of what he wanted. "He expected to die. He wanted to die, Phil."

Phil's eyes went wide as he stood up from the table. He wrapped his cape around himself as he opened the door and disappeared into the snow after Tommy. 

It wasn't a blizzard by any means but it was still hard to see. He called out Tommy's name at the top of his lungs but wasn't sure if he'd be able to hear him over the wind. He wasn't sure, at least, until he heard a muffled scream in pain. Philza immediately linked the voice to Tommy and raced over to the sound. He found Tommy in a dark cave sitting alone. He wanted to approach the boy but noticed he was doing something and wanted to see what before he stopped him. His shoulder bled horribly as he cried, an arrow in his hand. Phil came to the conclusion he was shot and took a step forward before he saw Tommy take said arrow and sharpen it on the cave wall. It wasn't efficient, but it seemed to be satisfactory to Tommy. He took the sharpened edge and scrapped it along the skin of his arm allowing dark red blood to escape the wound and drip down to his pants. It wasn't a lot of blood but it sent the boy into a painful frenzy. You could tell he had low pain tolerance and this cut felt like a horrible demon had made its home in his skin. He sobbed and hissed as he made another cut parallel to the first. That's when Phil stepped it. A pebble fell at Tommy's side alerting him to the watchful presence behind him.

"Tommy! What the hell are you doing?! Put that down, you're hurting yourself!" Philza scooped the boy into his arms despite the child's protests. "What's gotten into you kid..."

Tommy squirmed and fought against Philza before finally biting him and getting Philza to loosen his grip. Phil yelped in suprise as Tommy jumped from his arms and took a defensive stance. Techno had taken his weapons so the most he had was the sharpened arrow. "Leave me alone!" The child cried. "I don't need your pity, Phil!" 

Tommy charged Phil with the arrow which Philza dodged pretty easily. He puffed out his wings and wrapped them around Tommy and himself. Tommy clutched at his wounded shoulder but still hissed at Phil like a wild animal. "You dont care about me!" Tommy shouted. "Let me go and I won't hurt you!"

Philza let a tear fall from his eye and he pulled Tommy in closer with his wings. He wrapped his arms around the boy and whispered comforting words into his ear. That's when Tommy got an idea. He took the arrow in his left hand and pushed it up against where the wings emerged from Philza's back. He pushed up a bit causing Phil to jump back and defensively hide away his wings. Tommy hadn't gotten the chance to do any permanent damage but Philza was sure he would have if given the chance. 

"I'm not worth it Phil." Tommy hissed. "Leave. Me. Alone." he disappeared into the snow and left Phil alone. Phil pondered running after Tommy, yelling at him for being so stupid but he ultimately decided to turn around and head home.

Tommy walked in a random direction. He didn't even know where he was going but he knew he didn't want to be near the cabin, or l'manburg, or anyone. The pain in his shoulder was almost unbearable but he did his best to ignore it. Getting it healed would require getting help and he didn't want that. He wanted to be alone where no one could hurt him.

"If you jumped now, no one could stop you." Dream's voice echoed in his head. "No one would ever know what happened to Tommyinnit." somehow that thought scared him even more. He wanted to die, sure, but being forgotten? No one ever knowing what happened to you? Something about that terrified him. 

While lost in his thoughts he realized he had stumbled his way into a small cave. It didn't have the risk of any mobs sneaking up on him and he would be safe from the weather, it was perfect. He wasn't sure where he wa sin relation to everything else but he felt at home within the cave. He felt safe, safe enough to drift into sleep.

Philza opened the door to the home seething with anger. "T-that idiot kid! He almost cut off my right wing!" he flapped them around a bit, being careful not to knock anything over in the small home. He could still move them which he was thankful for but it brought him great pain to do so. 

Techno made his way downstairs and took a look at the older man. His hat was covered in snow and his hair was matted. His cape was soaked in blood from his wing but most importantly, Tommy wasn't with him.

"Where's Toms? Is he okay? Why did he hurt you?" 

"I don't know! He's gone crazy, it's like he's a stupid fucking animal!" he slammed his fist down on the table before he let tears fall from his eyes. "I failed him, Techie... I failed my youngest son..."


	3. The Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza brings Tubbo along to help him retrieve Tommy and bring him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of self harm and suicide attempts!

"You did your best, Phil." Techno poured the man a bowl of soup but Philza had no intention of eating anything. "We should get your wing patched up soon."

"Leave it, I'll deal with it later." Philza looked deep into the bowl as if searching within it for answers about Tommy. "Where did I go wrong? When did my son decide it was better to end his life than live in the world I helped put him in?" Phil was mostly talking to himself at this point. Technoblade wasn't entirely sure what to tell him. "First Wilbur, now Tommy? I'm getting a reputation and I don't like it." Phil looked up to Techno with tears in his eyes. "Next thing I know-"

"That's where I stop you, Phil." Technoblade smiled at Phil giving him his signature confident stance. "You ain't losing me. Not now, not ever." He patted Phil on the back before throwing his cape over his shoulders. "We should go find that bratty teenager and bring him home. Lord knows what would happen to him if he's left unsupervised."

Phil laughed and stood up giving Techno a hug before throwing on his own cape. "He'd probably accidently blow up the whole server!" The two laughed as they walked outside. The snow had calmed down a bit making it easier to see. Philza retraced his steps back to where he last saw Tommy. 

"This is it. This is wear he got me." the snow was stained with blood which caused Philza to rub the wound on his wing. 

"Jesus kid..." Techno growled in annoyance as he trekked on. "He usually keeps on a straight path when he's lost in thought unless he gets distracted. 

Philza nodded and followed Technoblade's lead. The snow was calming down even more which allowed the pair to travel much faster than Tommy had. They searched every cave (within reason), every mountain, and every tree for Tommy. The sun was rising and they were out of energy.

"We have to rest, I can't keep going, Techno." Philza slumped against a tree. Techno rolled his eyes and sat down next to Philza. 

"We can't do this, we have no idea where he is." Technoblade signed before hiding his face in his hands. 

"We could split up, try to find him that way." Phil looked up at the sky with a smile, thinking about a happier time. 

"Who would go with us? This server doesn't like us much." Technoblade laughed a bit despite his hopelessness. 

"Tubbo would. He might not like us, but he cares about Tommy."

"Tubbo is the one who exiled him! He couldn't care less if Tommy is dead or alive, missing or watched over!" Technoblade felt a bit of vengeance boil in his heart. 

Philza sighed in defeat. "We have to to try, I can't give up on him."

"Fine." Techno stood up and held Philza's hand to help him stand too. "L'manburg is in this direction, we'll be there around noon."

L'manburg stood proud over the Crater of old L'manburg. The town was beautiful, that was not in doubt. However, it brought Technoblade a bit of anxiety being here. Wanted posters littered the place with his face plastered on every one. He chugged an invisibility potion and walked beside Phil as he casually strode around town. Tubbo was sitting by the water, dipping his toes in gently as he held his head in his hands. He heard Philza approach him and turned around, drawing his sword. 

"Woah, hey! Hey! It's me, Tubbo, it's me!" Philza lifted his hands in the air with a cocky smile on his face. 

"What do you want?" Tubbo seemed suspicious of Phil, and for good reason, so Phil took off his cape and put it on the ground before sitting next to Tubbo. Tubbo sighed and relaxed a bit. He put away his sword and sat down again, his hands moving from his lap to the Grass. 

"Tommy ran off, we need your help finding him." 

Tubbo jumped up and away from Philza before drawing his sword again. "Don't play with me! I saw what happened in logstedshire! I saw the tower, he jumped, he's dead. I know he's dead." By the end Tubbo's eyes were watering. He reached in his pocket for his compass, but It wasn't there. 

Philza shook his head. "he didn't j- he didn't die. He ran away and came to us. Last night, he did jump. Techno caught him but he ran off and we can't find him." Tubbo looked like a deer in headlights. 

"He- he's alive?" Tubbo smiled and put his sword away. He let himself cry before hugging Philza. He wasn't sure why he was hugging Philza, but he was so overwhelmed by happiness he didn't quite care. He sobbed into his shoulder as Philza awkwardly laughed and wrapped his arms around the small boy. 

"I'll help! I want to- I need to see Tommy!" Tubbo pulled away and raced back towards his base. "I'll be back! I just need to grab some supplies!"

Tommy shivered in the cave. He was cold, uncomfortable, and lonely. He looked down at the scanned over cuts and threw his head back into the wall repeatedly. "I'm so stupid..." He sobbed. "I hurt Philza, I betrayed Tubbo, I left Dream..." he curled into a ball as he looked down. "Will I ever be satisfied? Will I ever look at what I have and be happy with it?" he shook his head and picked up his bag before heading out again. He covered his eyes to protect them from the sun and started his hike once again. He came across a river and drank some water. He wasn't happy about it, but he was desperate. He felt sick with himself and took a rest under a tree for a while. A little bunny came over to say hi but the second he moved, it hopped away in a panic. He sighed. Even a little oblivious bunny thought he was a monster. The snow had come to a halt and he got back on his feet. 

He looked out over the plains ahead of him and thought about setting up a home. Was it too close to the cabin? How far away was the cabin even? He wasn't entirely sure. His brain was foggy and he's felt dizzy the whole time. He looked at his shoulder injury and moved the short sleeve out of the way. It was infected, that wasn't in doubt. Puss and blood poured out at a gentle pace causing Tommy to feel even more sick. That's when he noticed how hungry he was. He was hurt, thirsty, dazed, and hungry. 

"You're going to die without me, Tommy." Dream's voice invaded his mind once again. "You never should have left me."

He sat down in the snow his feet sinking deeper and deeper down until Tommy was sure he couldn't get them back out. He was stuck, but he didn't care. This wasn't how he thought he'd die but he was so miserable he didn't care. He remembered the smell of potato soup before he left. He wished he had stopped to eat, or better yet, never left at all. He fantasized about Phil and Techno finding him and taking him home. He placed some dirt around him that he had In his inventory. He hoped It would trap some heat but it helped very little. 

"I'm sorry..."


	4. The Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is alive, but he still needs rescuing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the support! You guys know the drill by now but I'll put it here anyways just in case. Mentions of suicide, self harm, and manipulation.

"As you should be, Tommy." Dream cackled at the young boy's situation. Stuck in the snow, slowly dying. Tommy could've sworn, however, that this voice was different. It didn't sound like it was in his head but instead-. He opened his eyes to see Dream smirking like the bastard he was. He lifted up his mask to get a better look at the pitiful sight before him. "See, I told you nobody cared about you." Dream helped the boy out of the snow and destroyed his little dirt hut. He clicked his tongue as he held the boys chin up to look him in the eyes. "They didn't even come looking for you... Poor thing."

Tommy shook his head. "They did! I just made them go away!" he tried pulling away from Dream but his grip was too tight. 

"It didn't take much convincing, then." he let go of Tommy and watched as he fell back into the snow. Tommy quickly scrambled to his feet and got ready to punch Dream while he had the chance. Dream faked a look of surprise and betrayal as he dodged Tommy's pitiful attempt. 

"You're too tired Tommy. Let's get you home so you can rest up and take care of that shoulder."

Tommy snarled in defiance. If he didn't want to be with his own family, he sure as hell didn't want to be with his abuser. He turned and ran back in the direction that he thought he came from. Surely if he re-traced his steps he could-. A tug on his injured shoulder stopped any thoughts other than ones of pain. 

"Dream! What the hell??" He cried out but Dream just laughed. 

"Tommy you can't survive out here much longer! Let me take care of you even just for a day, then if you really want to leave and go back to Techno, you can." Dream held out a gloved hand to the younger. Tommy didn't really see the point in wearing gloves if they had no fingers. Dream pulled down his mask and began their trip back to logstedshire. It was mostly destroyed, but it was the closest safe place to them. 

Dream ended up carrying Tommy most of the way. He was skinny and small so it wasn't too hard. He could thank himself for that. He smiled thinking about it. He had so much control over this bratty kid, he loved It. A smile came on his face as he continued walking. 

Tommy woke up in a pitiful recreation of tnret. He touched the walls as memories flooded back to him. He didn't particularly want these memories but some were happy ones regardless. He thought about the Prime log and the trident. Good memories, left mostly untouched by his broken mind. But then he remembered the explosions and the party. The manipulation and lying.

He sat up and felt something tight constricting his movement. It was a bandage, it was tied way too tight and hurt like hell but trying to untie it hurt twice as much so he let it stay. He couldn't move his right arm as a result but he was okay with his left hand. As long as no one challenged him to a fight or asked him to write a letter, he'd survive. That was a weird thought to him, he'd survive. He was so sure he was going to die out there that he hadn't taken the time to think about it. He should be dead at that moment. He should never have made it this far. Stupid Techno, stupid Dream, stupid... Stupid Tommy. 

He left tnret and saw Dream sitting by the rubble. Dream heard Tommy moving and turned to face him. His mask was still on so while Dream could see Tommy, Tommy couldn't quite see Dream. That used to freak him out but now, he preferred it that way. 

"Good afternoon Tommy! How are you feeling?" Dreams smile could still be seen as his mask only covered his nose and eyes. His smile left Tommy was a feeling of unease. It was almost the same smile that he had when blowing up or burning Tommy's things.

"I'm... I'm hungry." that's not what he wanted to say, but it's what he needed to. 

"Good cause I made lunch, do you you like baked potatoes?" Dream laughed mockingly at Tommy's defeated expression. He could smell it now. A part of his heart fluttered with the feeling of warmth but also a feeling of sadness. He missed Techno and Philza but he also hated them. His warm feeling turned into burning hatred. Betrayal filled his lungs as he thought about Technoblade catching him, Philza trying to convince him to go home, and Dream. Dream pushed him over the edge. 

"what the hell is your problem, Dream?? Why did you save me? How did you find me? And why in the goddamn hell did you make me potatoes??" Tommy went to grab his sword but remembered that A. He didn't have a sword, and B. His shoulder was injured to the point that using it would hurt him more than Dream. 

"What do you have against potatoes?" Dream asked innocently. Tommy snarled at Dream as he held his shoulder as a reminder. He took Dream by the hood and got in his face. 

"I'm done with your bullshit, Dream. I'm leaving." Tommy released Dream and turned to leave when dream shot Tommy through the other shoulder. An immediate dizziness fell over him. This arrow was precise with so much force put behind it. It hurt much more than an arrow lazily shot by a skeleton. "D-Dream?" Tommy fell over and passed out letting blood seep into the snow. Dream laughed maniacally as he stepped over the unconscious Tommy. The kid had been put through hell in the last month but Dream didn't care. He'd been the cause of most of it. He was glad Techno caught him, he didn't want Tommy to die yet. Dream concluded that he needed to put Tommy on suicide watch, that would drive the kid nuts. 

He put Tommy on his back in tnret so he could patch up the wound he made. He gave Tommy some regeneration for good measure but not enough to really make a difference. He tied the bandaid so tight that Tommy would be defenseless. Taking them off would hurt more than keeping them on so he knew Tommy wouldn't mess with them. He felt a ping of guilt for the teenager. He never seemed to catch a break. But as soon as the guilt came, it left. He held Tubbo's compass in his hand as he smiled. Tommy could never escape him now, their game would never end. 

"I'm really cold Phil..." Tubbo had clung to Philza like a little kid. He didn't want to split up. He didn't know the area and was scared he'd get more lost than Tommy. So, he stuck with Philza and Technoblade parted ways for a while. 

"I know Tubbs... We should find a place to stay." Phil looked around and spotted a cave. It was small and looked cozy os he entered, placed down a torch, and blocked the entrance. Tubbo pulled at Phil's sleeve as he gasped in horror. Phil swiftly turned around and saw blood stains on the wall. Phil immediately knew Tommy had been here. "Stay here Tubbo, I need to look around." Tubbo went to protest but the intense cold kept him near the torch and quiet. 

"Tommy? Tommy?! Where are you!" Philza wandered into a bit of a clearing with deeper snow than the paths they'd been following. Remains of what looked to be a dirt home were scattered in the snow along with a deep Tommy sized hole. There was still some blood here, but not a lot. There was a trail of foot prints but after a little bit, they disappear. 

"He was here." Philza entered the cave to see a shivering Tubbo. He immediately sat down and wrapped his wings around the small boy while he started a fire. "I found tracks but the snow covered them eventually." Tubbo nodded. 

"I never knew how bad winter was out in the mountains. I thought it got cold in L'manburg..." Tubbo snuggled up to Philza which caused the older man to smile a little. Tubbo looked like a smaller, more innocent Tommy in some ways. The way his blonde hair looked so unkept, The way his eyes sparkled in the light, his smile when he was genuinely happy. It all reminded him of Tommy. Normally it would make him happy, but now... It made him kinda sad. 

"You get used to it after a while. Tommy never really seemed to mind at all, that kid scares me sometimes." He remembered a time that he built a snowman and gave it boobs with leaves covering them. He cried a little when it melted but they all teased him about it. 

"He scares us all." Tubbo agreed. He looked at the cave's exit and wondered when he'd see Tommy again. He'd spent nights sobbing over his stupidity, wishing he could go back in time and stop himself from exiling Tommy. He knew, though, that he would never get that chance. He would have to work with what fate gave him and what fate gave him, was Philza. Phil told Tubbo about Tommy being alive and that was his second chance in a way. He was determined to do it right this time. 

"How are you feeling, Tubbo?" He looked over and saw Tubbo had fallen asleep in his embrace. "Ah... I suppose we can wait till morning to travel then..."


	5. The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza and Tubbo discover the truth about what happened in Logstedshire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This literally blew up and I have no idea what to do with myself. I've only started writing today but your support has allowed me to write 5 freaking chapters in one day! I hope you continue to support me as I plan to have this story go on for a while. If you have suggestions to improve the story, I'd love to hear them! Once again, mentions of abuse, manipulation, and self harm. Stay safe friends and have a wonderful weekend!

"Fuck! Tommy what are you doing?!" All Philza could see was red as the feeling of his feathers being torn from him consumed his mind. "Tommy! Please..." It was like begging to a robot. Tears flooded his eyes as he felt a knife come between his back and his wings. "TOMMY!!" He went to stop him but found his movements constricted by heavy chains. With a drawn out cut, his right wing was severed. He could feel the blood gushing from behind as he screamed out in total agony. He wanted to pass out, to relieve the pain, but he couldn't. "Philza... Look at me Philza!"

"Philza!" A small voice called out to him as he opened his eyes. A nightmare, just another nightmare. He sighed in relief as he felt his right wing still there, still okay. "Philza, what's wrong?" he looked down to see Tubbo worriedly holding his shoulders. 

"huh? Oh..." he wiped his eyes with his sleeves before looking down at the distressed Tubbo. "Nothing, I don't even remember." He laughed to cover up the fact he was lying. For anyone else it would have made them more suspicious, but for Philza, it was only natural. Tubbo gave him a confused glance before smiling with him

"As long as you're okay." Tubbo sat up and listened to the birds singing their morning song. It was his favorite part of the morning. Watching the sunrise, listening to the birds. It was somehow made all the better by the glistening snow. Phil soon stepped out with him to gaze outside as well. He also enjoyed admiring the morning but today he had another thing on his mind, Tommy. 

"Let's follow those tracks I found. They're probably not there anymore but I still remember about where they were. We can guess where he went bases on where the tracks stop." To no one's surprise, the tracks were indeed erased in the night. Phil was mostly sure he remembered where the lead but a part of him doubted himself. There was no room for doubt and he knew that but somehow it sometimes slithered its way in regardless." Here's where they stopped." 

"I think... I think Logstedshire is this way too, no?" Tubbo chimed in pointing through the trees. Philza thought for a moment before agreeing. "Maybe he went there, it is familiar to him."

"Tommy? Tommy wake up I need your help with this..." Tommy opened his eyes and saw a concerned Dream Prodding at his right shoulder. 

"What-wait... GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!" Tommy quickly snapped out of his sleepy haze to kick dream in the face, breaking his mask in two and causing it to fall to the ground. His nose bled a little too but Dream didn't seem to care about that part. 

"Tommy! Tommy please relax..." Dream scooped up the broken mask and put it in his bag. In reality, Dream was pissed. He wanted to kill Tommy there and then but held himself back. "We need to change out your bandage, the infection will get worse otherwise."

"dont you DARE touch me. You shot me! You fucking shot me when I tried to leave!! Oh~ let me heal you then you can leave~ That was total bullshit wasn't it?!" Tommy struggled a bit more but Dream was prepared this time. 

"Tommy I didn't shoot you."

"Well who did then big guy? Huh? Huh?!" 

"A pilliger did. I wasn't paying attention and a group spawned behind us." Dream lightly touched Tommy's shoulder and Tommy winced in pain. 

"Yeah right... I'm sure that's what happened..." Tommy rolled his eyes but had it admit, he did need Dream's help. He could think a little clearer now and had come to the conclusion that this was not how he wanted to die. In reality, Dream didn't need him awake at all. In fact, it probably would have been better if Tommy was asleep when he changed the bandages. He just wanted to see Tommy in pain, at his mercy completely. 

He slowly removed the bandage on the right side feigning concern as the boy hissed in pain. He was being slow on purpose. He wanted to draw out the experience. He held back a grin as the boy yelped after Dream's finger touched the skin of his shoulder. He loved the fact that this mouthy, witty teenager was quiet now. No opposition, no fighting back, just helpless. It was perfect. 

"Dream what the fuck just take the damn thing off and be done with it!" Tommy squirmed as the new bandage was put on. "Not so tight-" Dream obliged just this once and put it on normally. He didn't want to stop blood flow to the the boy's arm after all. Soon after the left shoulder was done and Tommy was good to go. He walked over to a campfire Dream had set up and sat on one of the logs. 

"Hey Dream?" He felt so stupid even talking to him. "Do... Do they really not care about me anymore? Did... Did I really push them all away?.." Tommy wanted to cry, he wanted to break down and let everything hit him all at once, but nothing came. He just felt empty inside. 

"Oh Tommy..." Dream sighed as he took the boy Into his arms. "I'm still here Tommy, I'll never leave." Every cell in the boys body told him to run, they tried to remind Tommy of what Dream did to him but Tommy didn't seem to care. He melted into Dream's embrace. All his anger, all his pain, it all seemed to melt away. 

"Are we there yettttt" Tubbo whined as he trudged through the muddy snow. 

"I swear to God if I hear you ask that one more time I'm leaving you here." Tubbo shut up after that. Phil was very loving but at the same time, absolutely terrifying. They approached Logstedshire to see Dream embracing an emotionless Tommy. He was grinning, he knew Phil and Tubbo were there but paid them no mind. Dream kneeled in front of Tommy and held out his hand. Phil and Tubbo were too far away to hear anything but got an idea of what was happening when Tommy started handing over all his gear. He didn't have much, a diamond chest plate, netherite boots, and a golden helmet. Dream dug a hole and with one swift motion threw everything inside and blew it all up. Tommy was knocked back by the explosion causing him yo put weight on his arm. He screeched it pain but like a young mother, rushed over to Tommy and comforted him. 

"did he just-" 

"I'm going to kill him." Philza approached Dream with an inextinguishable Fury in his eyes. He gripped his netherite sword and charged at Dream full force. Tommy jumped away and tried pleading with them to stop but nothing could be heard over the sound of metal on metal.

"What- Tommy!" Dream pretended to get overpowered and fall 'dropping' his sword near Tommy. Tommy hesitated for a moment before picking up the sword. He looked up at Philza with conflict in his eyes. Philza's mind was flooded with panic as he noticeably stepped back. He didn't put his sword away but his hand trembled. 

"Tommy please..." Philza gave him a pleading look but internally the voices chanted for revenge. Tommy had scarred him for life and the voices weren't pleased with that. Phil ignored them tho and stuck his sword in the ground. He reached his hands out to Tommy." Come home, you're not in trouble. Let us help you, Tommy." 

"Fuck, Fuck, FUCK!" Tubbo paced back and forth drawing his sword then putting it away again. He had all his armor on him and he knew Phil did too but for some reason Phil was making himself vulnerable. Was there a reason? Should he do the same? He glanced over and saw what Phil was doing. Tubbo instantly knew what would happen and raced in but it was too late. 

Tommy drove the sword through Phil's chest before watching him collapse. Tubbo picked him up and held him while crying into his shoulder. "How could you Tommy?! How could you... How could you..." Tubbo fumbled in his bag for a regen potion or a gapple before giving it to Phil. The wound began to quickly scab over but it wouldn't be enough. 

"Tubbo... Wait I-" Tommy looked at Phil then Dream then Tubbo. Dream was grinning proudly, Phil had passed out, and Tubbo wore a face of pure betrayal.

"we came to rescue you, Tommy. We loved you... But you've made things quite clear to us. We'll leave." Tubbo picked up Phil and semi dragged him into a boat before rowing back to L'manburg. 

"You did good Tommy, I'm proud of you. Thank you."

"I need a bit, Dream. My shoulder hurts..."


	6. The Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza gets patched up by Techno and they just generally relax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of family bonding and happiness in between your suffering. Reading back I realise some thing aren't clear and seem like mistakes but they're not! Tommy built a new... Tower... By techno's house. He doesn't jump from the one in Logstedshire. This is because Logstedshire was completely blown up in this telling. There's just a hole with no other trace to be found.
> 
> Anyways Goodnight and I love you all so much!

Tubbo frantically looked around L'manburg for any horse he could find. He could figure out the owner and return it later but for now, Phil's life was most important. No one except Phil himself and Technoblade know why he only has one life, but he does. If he died now, he'd be in the same position as ghostbur. Or at least, Tubbo hopes he'd come back as a ghost. He'd come to really enjoy Phil's company over the past two days.

Grabbing a horse he raced back to the boat and got back in, leading the horse in the water behind him. It wasn't the most gentle or graceful way to go about it but Tubbo couldn't care less. He raced back to Logstedshire, threw Phil on the horse and booked it back to the house. The regen potion had worn off a little bit ago and it surely showed by the blood beginning to seep through his shirt. With Tubbo's eager pace it didn't take long to arrive.

"is that... Phil?!" Techno threw open the door and rushed out to where Tubbo and Phil were. Seeing Phil's unconscious body scared him senseless. He lifted Phil from the horse and left Tubbo to care for himself. He set Phil down on the couch and went to grab some potions. Some regen, healing, and general gapples. Within seconds, Phil was awake and mumbling. He wasn't coherent but it was progress. "Phil I need to take off your shirt to patch you up, okay?" Philza nodded and tried to help Techno but any movement made him hiss in pain. Techno took one look at the wound and gagged. What looked to be buckets of dried blood covered the wound along with dead skin and puss. If Philza was human, he'd be dead. That thought shook Techno to his core and encouraged him to get to work. He worked at the wound to uncover it so he could stich it up and clean it. Phil seemed dissatisfied with the amount of pain as he gripped Techno's left arm tightly. He'd need his arm eventually but at the moment, he let Phil get some comfort. 

Tubbo put up the horse with Techno's and sighed. He touched his chest to feel it rise and fall. It brought him comfort to know his body was still in tact and unharmed. When he walked in, Philza was laying down on the couch talking to Techno who was in the kitchen. Phil had a fresh set of clothes on that looked like pajamas. They had little hearts with black detailing on them which made Tubbo smile. It was the same design as the clip on his cape. 

"Ah Tubbo! I should thank you." Techno rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He didn't like Tubbo and Tubbo didn't like him. The tensions between the two were high but Technoblade put his pride aside for one moment, just for Phil. "If it weren't for you... I'm sure Philza would be dead." 

"Did Phil tell you what happened?" 

"Yeah. Dream is going to pay for what he did. First he takes Tommy, then he tries to kill the angel of death himself? Ha. He's gone mad." Tubbo nodded along until it hit him. 

"Wait-" Tubbo glanced over to Philza who was giving him a pleading look. "how long have you and Philza known each other?" Tubbo immediately realized it was a stupid cover up question but Techno didn't seem to catch on. 

"Uhh Tubbo? Phil is my father." Techno laughed hysterically as Tubbo giggled along nervously. 

"Right! Yeah of course..." He glanced back at Philza again who was reaching for a book but it was just out of his severally shortened reach. "Here let me help you." He walked over to Phil just so he'd have an excuse to get away from Technoblade. Phil seemed saddened by the tension between the two but didn't argue. 

"Phil, do you need anything?" Philza shook his head. 

Healing potions are used in careful moderation. They tend to make the user aloof and hard to talk to. They slurr their words and their head doesn't seem to be on quite right. Regen potions didn't have this problem so while they tended to not heal as much, they were the better option. 

"I-I'm fiune." Philza sighed. He knew something was off about himself but he couldn't do anything about it. 

"What about that wing of yours? I know you don't like me touching them but I need to make sure they heal properly." Philza's eyes widened as he shook his head violently. 

"You... You might... You mightttt hurt them..." He did his best to keep himself in line but he wasn't perfect. 

"Phil I would never hurt you." Technoblade gave Philza a sympathetic look before taking off Phil's hat. Phil went quiet at he gently massaged the friz in his hair down. He sat up and lifted the injured wing for Technoblade to inspect. "It could be worse but the dull arrow really..." He shook his head. "It made things a lot harder to patch up." 

Philza sighed and tried to keep his wing steady. He was used to letting it jitter and twitch when he had them raised but wasn't using them. He couldn't do it this time, though, because if he did, he risked injuring himself further. So he sat there as still as possible. His wing ached on top of the seething pain from lifting it. Lifting it out wasn't a problem, he'd done it to warm Tubbo just fine. It was lifting it to its fullest that hurt him. 

Technoblade massaged the base trying to figure out where exactly the wound was. The scab and dirt made it hard to find where it started and ended. Techno grabbed out a washcloth and gently massaged it in hopes it would remove any excess debris from the wound. It wasn't perfect, but he could see all the damage now. "You're a lucky bastard, Phil." Techno shook his head as he added a bit of disinfectant and soothing cream. "If Tommy wanted to, he could've taken this whole thing off with little problem." Philza shuttered at the thought. The nightmare played back in his head. Tommy mercilessly playing with him, cutting off the wing little by little. The worst part is, if you remove one wing, you have to remove them both. Otherwise you'd be off balance and easy to topple. He couldn't have that happen to him. If things ever came to that, he knew he'd ask Techno to do the job. He was quick and precise, it would be the least painful option. 

"Alright you're all fixed up Phil, let's get you something to eat." Techno held out a hand to Philza. Tubbo turned around and moved himself to the kitchen. There was left over potato soup on the stove for them. Techno had already reheated it over the furnace so all Tubbo had to do was pour some bowls. 

"Thank you.... Techie..." Philza sat down at the table as Tubbo put a bowl in front of him. He held his chest where the wound was and thought about his organs. Had they been damaged? Surely there was no way they weren't. "Can I... Can I eat?" He looked at Tubbo quizzically but Tubbo just shrugged. 

"There's no way to know what was damaged on the inside without... Hm..." Techno sighed and ran his fingers through his neat pink hair. "But you should be fine, the regen and healing potions together should fix up most of the damage. The rest can only be left to time."

"Will the healing potions help his wing too?" Tubbo sat down at the table while looking at Phil. 

"No... That has to heal on its own. Our potions are designed for... Human use. It won't help me much because I'm a half piglin but if I get an injury to say, my hand, I'd be able to heal that with regen. However, if I get hurt on my ear or tusk or whatever, no potion of mine can heal it. I'm sure there are potions for it, but I don't have any." Tubbo nodded and watched as Phil drank his soup painfully slow. He was wincing at every swallow which made his stomach flex. Pain, on top of pain, on top of pain. It was overwhelming." Hey Tubbo? Wanna come out to the gardens with me?" Techno rubbed the back of his neck gently. "We need more potatoes and the harvest should be ready so..." 

Tubbo hesitated at the offer. Being alone with Technoblade? The man who had taken his life on more than one occasion and betrayed him beyond salvation? He grabbed at his arm to try and still his thoughts but Techno beat him to it. 

"Hey kid, I understand. I really am not someone you are comfortable with being around, and for good reason. If we were in L'manburg, I'd probably slaughter you. But this isn't about politics or friendships. Right now, we both care about Phil. You saved his life so in return, I'll spare yours." He didn't mean to come off so threatening, he was trying to be genuine. It brought Tubbo some comfort but also a lot more fear. He didn't like the implications of 'slaughter'. Tubbo brushed his hand over his head and felt the tiny horns that had begun to grow since the wars. They only really bothered him when he was stressed, which he was. Even though he didn't particularly trust Techno, he wanted to help out so he nodded his head and made his way outside. 

"How the heck do you get potatoes to grow around here?" 

"No idea. I think they're scared of me." He grinned at Tubbo trying to be friendly but it definitely left Tubbo with a sense of horrible dread. Technoblade motioned to the potatoes and began harvesting them in clusters. He went behind himself and left one potato in each hole so it could grow more potatoes. Tubbo copied him and hoped he was doing everything to Techno's standards. The last thing he wanted to do was screw up his farm. When everything had been harvested and planted, they headed inside with buckets of potatoes. "How are you feeling Phil?"

"Good. I'm feeling good." He stood up shakily and grabbed a bucket from Tubbo. "here- let me help." 

"Phil are you sure?" Tubbo reluctantly handed over a bucket and Phil waddled into the pantry with it. "Whats up with Phil?" 

"He doesn't like feeling helpless. I knew the second the healing potion was out of his system he'd be up and working again." Technoblade shook his head with a smile. "All his kids inherited that trait, that's for sure." Techno followed Phil into the pantry after taking Tubbo's other bucket leaving Tubbo alone in the kitchen. Seeing Techno and Phil together made him sort of jealous. Laughing together, looking out for each other. He missed his own family. Tubbo was abandoned when he was Small. Phil took him in, sorta. He was never part of the family, he was just a parasite in their eyes. Well, everyone except Tommy's. Tommy never left his side but lately... Lately Tommy looks at him like everyone else did back then. Tubbo gripped at his shirt and felt his eyes water. He just wanted a proper family, why was that so hard? 

Phil stepped out of the pantry and saw Tubbo on the verge of tears. "Tubbo? I'm sorry if you wanted to help-" Tubbo hugged Philza tightly. He completely forgot about Phil's injuries but Phil didn't stop him. 

"I'm sorry Phil, I'm so sorry...." Tubbo buried his face in Phil's chest as Phil wrapped his wings around the small president. Techno heard the commotion and decided I'd be best if he made himself busy in the pantry. 

"What? Why are you sorry?" Phil guided Tubbo over to the couch and sat down with him, wing still protectively wrapped around the boy. 

"I... I was a horrible son and brother... I avoided you, I never joined in on family matters, I was so scared... I let it all pass me by..." Tubbo leaned over and put his head in his hands. 

"You were young and scared. Techno is intimidating and Wilbur was... Wilbur. Nobody expected you to adjust immediately."

"but that's the thing! I never adjusted! I'm still terrified of Techno. And while I made my peace with Wilbur, he still never saw me as a brother." Philza looked over at the bookshelf and pulled something down. It was a small book but Tubbo immediately recognized what it was. 

"I've been keeping track you're entire life. I'm not the best artist but it's like a picture diary." He handed the book over to Tubbo who flipped through the pages gently. The book ended with the founding of the server. It ended with Tommy and Tubbo leaving. There was still many pages left blank which inspired Tubbo.

"Can I... Can I keep this?" Tubbo fingered through the pages again as Phil nodded.

"It was always yours to keep." He pulled the boy into a hug. Tubbo snuggled up to Phil before falling asleep in his arms. "I love you Tubbs..."

Bounus:

Technoblade peered out of the pantry to see the two snuggling in a loose embrace. Tubbo was asleep but Philza was still awake. Phil rubbed his finger's through Tubbo's hair gently to ensure he didn't wake the sleeping boy. 

"He's a snuggly one" Phil smiled. Techno shook his head with a smile before going upstairs. He'd never admit it, but he was glad his brother was home.


	7. The Reconcile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream and Tommy 'talk things out'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I saw some fanart for this earlier this morning. I have never wrote anything like this before so seeing how much you guys like it makes me cry with joy. Thank you so, so much! I love seeing art for things I create so don't be scared to direct me to it!
> 
> Take care of yourselves, drink some water, and I love you all! 
> 
> Mentions of self harm, manipulation.

Tommy woke up to a warm blanket being gently placed over him. He grabbed it it from the inside and pulled it closer to himself, making himself a burrito. It was wonderful to feel even a little bit of warmth in such harsh cold. He realized that someone must have draped it over him so he looked up to see a smiling Dream.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you... You just looked really cold." Dream tilted his head to the side slightly while frowning. Tommy just groaned and pulled the blanket in even tighter. 

"We need something warmer than a tent to sleep in..." Tommy mumbled. Tommy wasn't sure where Dream had been sleeping when he stopped to think about it. There were no other obvious structures around and he wasn't sleeping in tnret. Dream's frown turned into a smile as he nodded. Tommy has closed his eyes again and drifted back into sleep. 

Dream was feeling generous after the previous day's event. Dream was almost sure that Tommy would have bargained with Phil or at most held him off. He didn't think he had rooted himself deeply enough to convince Tommy to kill Philza. That's when he came to a conclusion he'd been pondering over for a while. He took off his mask and rubbed his thumb across it. "It's time I started training Tommy."

When Tommy woke up again, he found a long wrapped box beside him with Dream's name on it. "To Tom's, from Dream :)" He rolled his eyes at the nickname as he carefully tore the wrapping paper. Inside was an iron sword with a tag that read "Meet me in the crater by noon, I want to show you a thing or two." an immediate overwhelming dread fell over him as he picked up the sword. He had no armor, Dream made sure of that. Dream was probably teasing him. He prepared himself for the pain as he approached the crater. He could feel the phantom sword in his chest as he looked Dream in the eyes. Wait, in the eyes? He looked for Dream's mask but didn't see it anywhere. That was definitely strange. Even stranger so, he wasn't wearing any armor. He was equally matched to Tommy. Tommy knew not to let his guard down around Dream but he felt a surge of confidence. 

"Dream! What's all this for?" The boy smirked whole putting a hand on his hip. 

"I thought you might like to learn a thing or two from me." He twirled his sword around before smiling back at Tommy. "Are you ready?" 

Tommy nodded eagerly and charged Dream full force. Dream dodged at the last second and tripped Tommy as if he was a high school outcast. 

"What the hell Dream?!" Dream broke down laughing to where he could hardly breath. 

"Did you think I would just stand there, Tommy?" Dream finally settled down to a open smile. Tommy shrugged. 

"No, but I thought I'd give it a shot. You didn't have to trip me, though!" Tommy brushed the dirt off "Not to mention actual fighting would hurt like hell."

Dream sighed as he remembered he had injured the boy previously. "Right, right. I forgot you were a crybaby." Dream was mostly kidding but Tommy took it as a challenge. Tommy adjusted his stance. He gripped the sword's hilt in his right hand and pressed the flat side of the blade on his left. He charged Dream again when dream tried to dodge he caught dream with his right leg and pinned him down with the blade of his sword. Dream's eyes widened in surprise as he tried to wiggle himself out of Tommy's hold. Luckily, Tommy stood down and put his sword in the dirt. 

"Alright Then, so you CAN train?" Dream looked at the boy expectantly and Tommy nodded his head in confirmation. Dream's face lit up as he brushed himself off and began to train Tommy. 

It didn't take long for him to pin Tommy down again with a sword to his throat. That's when it hit Tommy. Everything, all it once, came flooding back to the boy. Every explosion, every fight, every tear, every lecture, every lie, everything. Dream immediately noticed something was wrong when Tommy shut his eyes expectantly and whimpered. At first he thought it was a natural reaction to being knocked down but when he started to violently shiver, Dream knew something was up. 

Dream knew his mind games took a toll on Tommy. He knew exactly what he put the boy through and he regretted none of it. This was perfect, the chance to ease his fears while earning his trust. He would trust Dream more afterwards and that's all Dream needed, trust. 

"Tommy, w-what's the matter? I'm sorry did I hurt you? I didn't mean-" Tommy didn't respond he just curled into a ball and hid like a child. Dream found it ironic, Tommy yelled at anyone who even implied he was less than a full grown man and yet he made himself look so small in front of Dream. 

Dream sat beside Tommy and pulled the boy close. "Tommy I need you to breath for me, can you do that?" but he got no response. Dream sighed and began taking deep, slow, dramatic breaths. He felt stupid but he noticed Tommy was following his lead. It's what George used to do for him when he had panic attacks so he thought it might work on Tommy too. 

"I'm sorry Dream, I don't know what came over me." Tommy pulled away from Dream and stood up. His face was red like he'd been crying but his face was also dry. Tommy placed a hand on his heart as he tried to calm himself back down. "Let's keep going, ya?"

"No Toms, come back and sit with me. You need to get something off your chest." Dream held out his arms and sank into them. Something about being held just made him feel safe. It was funny, when he first arrived, he promised himself he would never trust Dream and he would fight to return to L'manburg till his final death. But now? Now Tommy was looking to Dream for comfort and warmth. He was cold and alone. 

"I can't- I promised..." 

"What did you promise Tommy?" Dream let up his grip a bit to look the boy in the eyes. 

"I promised I would never trust you..." Tommy buried his face in Dream's chest. "It's stupid, I'm sorry, I'm so stupid..." Dream snickered internally but externally he was rubbing Tommy's back in a comforting fashion. 

"I know... I know I messed up, Toms... But I did it all to protect you and teach you what you needed to learn. I know there was probably a better way and that thought keeps me up every night. I love you like a son, Tommy. I'll always do my best to protect you, even from yourself." the voices is Tommy's head we're screaming bullshit but they were never as loud or powerful as Philza's and Technoblade's. So they could be easily ignored when need be. 

"Do you mean that Dream?" Tommy looked up with tears in his eyes. He was finally comfortable crying in front of him, which was a win in Dream's book. 

"Of course I do, Tommy. Now, let's go get you cleaned up." Dream smiled as he walked away and pulled his mask from his pocket to put it on. 

'Like a son?' he thought. 'More like a bastard.'

Tommy sat in the tent and traced the cuts along his arm. A warped sense of pride enveloped him. 'they're like battle scars...' he thought. They were pain he could control. It was more powerful than the emotion pain to it override the thoughts and replaced them with physical pain. He took careful measures to ensure they didn't get infected which also made him look cool. He wrapped bandages around his arms which brought him a sense of power. He told Dream it helped stabilize him since his shoulders were also wrapped but Dream knew the truth. 

He grabbed the small iron knife Dream used to carve wood and took it to his left arm. He hissed in pain but it didn't seem as bad as it used to. That in itself was bad. Memories could still seep through and in a fit of rage he went deeper, too deep. 

"Dream, fuck! Help! I fucked up!" Blood gusher from his arm as he hid the knife. Usually he would have cleaned it. But he didn't have time, he'd have to wait for dream to leave. Well he would have to wait, if Dream ever came.


	8. The Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream and Tommy build a home together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of self harm, manipulation.
> 
> Have you had any water today? Go drink some water.   
> I love you all 💕

Red. All Tommy could see was red. He didn't mean to make such a deep cut. He wanted pain, sure, but this was too much. He was losing too much blood, he couldn't think. All he screamed was Dream's name over and over again with the occasional curse thrown in between. It's the kind of thing a small injured child would do. Just as his vision began to blur, Dream ran over to him.

"Fuck, Tommy what the hell? You careless-" Dream grabbed some bandages from his ender chest and wrapped them around Tommy's arm. "You need to stop this, Toms. I could ignore it when it was one or two but this? You're going to get yourself killed." Dream grabbed some regen from his bag and gave it to Tommy.

"Dream..." Tommy grabbed Dream by the shoulder and smiled. "Thank you..." 

"You know what, let's do something today. Help get your mind off things." Dream was internally screaming at Tommy. The bastard wanted to take his own life before Dream got the chance to do it for him. Dream took some cobble and oak from his bag before handing it to Tommy. "Wanna build a tower?" Dream saw Tommy's smile and felt the need to clarify. "You're not allowed to jump off this one."

"I... Won't... I promise." Tommy let his hand slip off Dream's shoulder as he drifted off to sleep. Dream wasn't sure if he should let Tommy sleep but he thought he probably should. He needed this kid to like him, to trust him. Though, when he thought about it, he couldn't remember why. Why did he need Tommy's loyalty so bad? When he tried to reason with himself, his answers left him unsatisfied. Dream decided it would be best to stop thinking about it so he stood up and left to go make the crater a bit easier to fight in and access. 

Tubbo paced around his room nervously. He had gone to visit Tommy but turned around and ran after he heard Tommy's piercing screams. He just keep screaming Dream's name over and over again which caused it to play in Tubbo's head in the same manor. He hadn't known why Tommy was screaming but Tubbo assumed the worst. Had Dream been torturing Tommy? Or worse had he?- The door to Tubbo's room opened slowly as Philza announced his entry slowly. He was bad at knocking but he at least gave Tubbo some warning before opening the door completely. 

"Tubbo I heard you whispering to yourself, what's the matter?" Philza approached the small boy slowly and when he showed no resistance, he placed a hand on his shoulder. 

"Tommy... I went to see Tommy but..." Tubbo covered his mouth as he choked back a sob. "He was screaming... It was horrible it was so loud... He just kept repeating Dream's name like he was hurt or... Being hurt." Philza took Tubbo by the hand and guided him to sit on the bed. 

"Did you stick around?" Phil could tell exactly what was happening in Tubbo's mind. He hadn't been there but he knew Tommy so well he could almost hear the screams himself. 

"I tried but... I couldn't. I couldn't I'm sorry. I'm sorry Phil." Philza took Tubbo into a hug as he had learned the boy really enjoyed physical contact. This was quite in contrast to when he was younger. When he was little, even being touched could send him into a panicked frenzy.

"Its okay, you're brave for even visiting him in the first place." Philza smiled down at Tubbo which made Tubbo smile too. 

"We need to help him, Phil..." Tubbo knew how Philza felt about the whole situation. Philza felt completely betrayed by Tommy and was scared to even approach the child. Nightmares had kept him up from even simple naps. His paternal side wanted to save his son but his instincts told him that there was no saving Tommy. 

"Tubbo... I-" Phil was surprised by the boy standing up quickly and planting himself in front of Philza. 

"Please! I'm going to save him regardless I just really want you and Techno's help." Tubbo reached a hand out to Phil who reluctantly accepted it. "I am willing to die over and over again of it means saving Tommy." That didn't make Phil any more confident about the situation. 

"You should talk to Technoblade too. I'm sure he'd love to hell too." Phil didn't believe himself any more than Tubbo believed him but Tubbo nodded anyways. He went downstairs and walked up to a sleeping Techno. 

"Techno?..." Tubbo spoke softly to ensure he was not waking the piglin in a harsh manor. Technoblade jerked away and drew his bow at Tubbo. Tubbo squeeked and put his hands up quickly. 

"Tubbo- I didn't know it was you, my bad." He huffed out a breath before standing up and Patting the terrified boy on the back. It wasn't like it was the first time Techno had pulled his crossbow out on Tubbo but every time he did, it ended with death. Tubbo shook as he brushed a hand along the burns on his skin. Techno seemed to notice but didn't know what to say to comfort him. "I should be more careful about where I point that..." Tubbo nodded in agreement. "Anyways, what's up?" 

"It's about Tommy." He explained the situation to Technoblade who throughout the entire conversation kept changing his expression. He went from annoyed, to concerned, to sleepy, and back to annoyed. 

"He almost KILLED Philza. Why should I help him? He deserves whatever Dream is doing to him." Techno didn't mean that. He immediately wanted to take it back. Tommy was a kid, he knew that. Tommy was afraid, and hurt, and confused. Even with his regret, his pride didn't allow him to take it back. 

Tubbo's eyes widened and began to water. He shook his head before raising his voice at Techno. "What if it was Philza?! What if Philza had attacked Tommy huh? Then Philza would be just as much of a traitor but you would love him just the same!" 

"It would be different Tubbo! You're a child you couldn't possibly understand!" 

"I don't think you understand it yourself!" Tubbo ran out the door and slammed it behind himself. 

"Techno? What was that?" Philza came dow stairs in a hurry after hearing the door slam. He saw Techno's expression, it had stubborn annoyance written all over it. "Alright, what happened?" 

"okay so I think we should build it righttttt over here!" Tommy pointed in a seemingly random direction before turning to dream and beaming.

"Alright. Do you have a plan?" Dream looked at the boy suspiciously as he began to pile up blocks. "Wait- What are you doing?" A ping of fear surged through him but Tommy didn't seem to see a problem with what he was doing. He was going to do an old trick and use lava and water to make the tower. Admittedly, it was less fun than building it by hand, but it was much more efficient and he could build more towers to assert more dominance! "Of course you do..."

"Ready?" Tommy executed the process in quite a flawed manor but he looked proud of himself none the less. He jumped down the tower without thinking and gave Dream a heart attack. 

"TOMMY! FUCK TOMMY!" Dream rushed over to place down some water but Tommy beat him to it. 

"Whats with the look? Are you that intimidated by my tower? It wasn't for you, you know." Right after he said that he realized his mistake and gasped. "I-I'm sorry I wasn't thinking..." 

"Let's work on something else, huh?" Dream pulled Tommy along to an area Dream had cleared out. "You said you wanted a house so... I clear some area for you and-" Before Dream could finish, Tommy hugged Dream tightly and ran off. "Hey wait! I wanna help too!" 

The next few hours were filled with smiles and laughs usually followed by or preceded by screaming. Tommy decided he wanted a huge mansion which was definitely in contrast to every other house he'd lived in. He decorated the place in a manor only he could appreciate. He seemed like his usual self, happy, snappy, and free. That's when Dream placed down a juke box. 

"Dream? What are you?" Dream sighed and played a disc for them to listen to. It wasn't any of Tommy's discs of course but it was pretty none the less. "This is nice..." Dream nodded but he didn't really agree. That day had made him feel conflicted, and he was going to fix that as soon as possible. 

"Enjoy stuff like this while it lasts, Tommy."


	9. The Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy learns an important lesson but Phil doesn't seem to agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing graphic this time around but still mentions blood. Dream is manipulative as fuck but it's all in good fiction. Love you all and thank you for 1k readers!

"What do you mean?" Tommy looked up to Dream with curiosity that was soon turned into fear. 

"Go to bed Tommy. You have a long day ahead of you." Dream put on his mask and headed over to wherever he went at night. Tommy was terrified of Dream but that didn't stop him from being curious. 

He treaded carefully behind Dream doing his best to remain unseen. There was an eternal feeling of dread in his heart. Surely Dream knew Tommy was behind him. There was no way he didn't know. To add to the situation, Tommy didn't bring his sword and Dream did. If Tommy was caught, he would probably be killed. Dream pushed a button to reveal a small stone home. It wasn't fancy which was probably why it wasn't hidden as well as his usual bases, but it had a fireplace which made Tommy incredibly pissed off. Dream had known how cold Tommy was. He fucking knew and he was sitting in a comfortable cave with a warm fire to sleep by. 

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, DREAM?!" As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. 

Tubbo couldn't sleep that night. After yelling at Technoblade he had returned to L'manburg in hopes of building up a search and rescue party. He felt so stupid. He was the one who exiled Tommy and even worse, he sent Dream to watch over him. He betrayed Tommy in every way and he lived to regret it every day. It was only made worse by the fact that no one wanted to help Tommy anymore. His propaganda against him had come to bite him in the butt. 

Philza still felt a ping of panic when leaving the cabin. Something about it felt wrong but he knew he was okay. Sometimes he'd stand at the window looking out before remembering he could go out if he wanted to, nothing was stopping him anymore. 

He took a step outside and felt the cold winter breeze blow in his hair. It was a comforting feeling, though many found it unpleasant. It reminded him of when he was young and would soar up high into the clouds. He was too heavy for that now but it was still a fond memory. 

Technoblade made his way outside to join Phil. The two had decided to visit Tommy, even if they didn't plan on saving him. They just wanted to see what Tubbo saw just so they could have a better idea of the situation. Philza came unarmed just in case, he couldn't afford to get overwhelmed by the voices and try to attack again, it would mean a death sentence. 

The trudged through the snow and made their way to Logstedshire. It wasn't horribly far but it wasn't an easy walk either. When they approached the camp it was empty, not even the sound of a snoring Tommy made its way to their ears. That was unusual seeing as Tommy snored extremely loudly. This put the two even more on edge than if they had heard Tommy screaming like they expected to. 

"Tommy?" Dream turned around in horror and shock as he saw the terrified boy stand before him. Tommy knew he fucked up but that wasn't good enough for Dream. Dream was going to wait till tomorrow to do something about Tommy but he supposed it was as good a time as ever. "What did I tell you about following me?" Dreams voice dropped down to a growl. 

"I got curious and I thought- but then I-" Tommy really didn't have any justification for his actions. He knew he broke the rules and that terrified him. Things only got worse when Dream pulled out his netherite sword. "Dream! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please Dream, wait!" 

When Dream took a step forward Tommy made the executive decision to run. He ran towards Techno and Phil's house but right as he passed tnret he felt an arrow go straight through his chest. He stopped where he stood which caused him to fall forward into the snow. Phil clung onto Techno doing his best to suppress his murderous urges. Tommy felt his body slowly disinigrate before he vanished and all his things spilled out leaving behind blood stained snow and a compass.

"I'm sorry Tommy but you left me no choice." Dream scooped up the compass and put it in his bag. He glanced at the spot where Tommy disappeared then to the death message in the chat. 

"Tommyinnit was slain by Dream." 

Technoblade took up his sword and lunged himself at the unarmored Dream. Five minutes ago he didn't care about the kid but seeing a defenseless child running away before being shot down in cold blood sent Technoblade into a frenzy. The voices demanded blood but not just any blood this time, Dream's blood. 

Philza started shivering at the thought of losing another son. He had killed Wilbur and watched Tommy die. He started laughing at the scene. Making fun of Tommy for going down in one shot but inside, he felt horrible. He felt like he was going to be sick any second now but it never came. 

Dream heard grunts behind him so he turned around before Technoblade charged him recklessly. The bastard dared to laugh at Techno's attempt at an attack before realizing it was just a plot to keep him still. He heard the sound of a rocket at Techno jumped away. Dream knew he was fucked. Technoblade had left behind his crossbow when he charged in and Philza knew the plan. 

"Dream went off with a bang due to a firework fired from Rocket Launcher by Technoblade"

Technoblade searched the campsite for Tommy finding him cowering in a corner, crying. Dying had healed all of his wounds but he still looked like he was an agonizing pain. The chat was lighting up with questions and "Canon?" Considering Tommy was still here and not a ghost, it wasn't. But then, Technoblade noticed something. He always kept a totem of undying in his inventory but now it was gone. That wasn't normal, it wasn't normal at all. 

Tommy swatted Technoblades hand away as he tried to reach out to him. He just kept crying and crying begging Dream to forgive him. Dream was probably gearing up to come give Technoblade a proper fight which he was not prepared for at the moment. That's when Philza came in and waved Techno away. 

"Give me a minute with him, we'll be out soon." Philza say down with Tommy and began singing something. Tommy wasn't sure what it was at first but he quickly recognized it. Phil was singing L'manburg's anthem. Something about that brought him peace. Tommy looked up at Phil with a dead look on his eyes. It was improvement, that's what mattered. 

"Come with us Toms, please. We can protect you from Dream." Phil reached out a hand but was met with screaming protests. Tommy struggled to get away from Philza but Phil just put up his wings to block the exit. Thats when it really hit him. Staring at Tommy's terrified and confused expression killed him inside but even worse, he knew Tommy wasn't afraid to hurt him anymore and he had just reminded him of the prime spot. Tommy lunged at Phil crying and screaming but to Phil's surprise, it was Dream who stopped him. Dream touched a certain spot on Phil's back that forced him to lower his wings and walk past. Dream turned Tommy with a disappointed look on his face. Tommy wasn't sure why, though. He wasn't supposed to like Philza, Dream didn't like Phil and yet, here he was, making Tommy stand down. 

"Back away from Tommy."


	10. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza is able to bring Tommy home but something still isn't quite right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't plan on writing anything nuts for this but just in case I'll put the usual tags here.
> 
> Suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, self harm, manipulation.

Dream, surprisingly did as he was told. He had full netherite with a netherite sword, he could take Phil in a fight one hit. And yet, he didn't even try. Dream backed away from Tommy who was just as confused while Philza softly grabbed Tommy's hand and guided him away. Tommy called out for Dream to help him but Dream just sat there. Technoblade watched at Philza flew away, waiting until he was far enough away that Dream couldn't catch up. When the coast was clear, Techno gave Dream a suspicious glare before turning away from him.

"I don't know what yer' plannin, Dream, but it ain't gunna work." And with that, Technoblade was gone and Dream was alone. Dream shook his head and clicked his tongue with a smile as he watched Techno run off being Philza. 

"It already has worked, Techno. You just walked straight into my trap." Dream turned around and made his way back home, wherever that was. Before he left Logstedshire, though, he decided to set their home ablaze. He could blame it all on Technoblade later, anyways. For now, he just wanted to watch it all burn. 

Tommy had long since stopped struggling when Philza got him home. He was just crying and pleading. All of his sass and attitude was gone and replaced with a small child. Tommy was only 16, after all. He shouldn't have been fighting wars or getting murdered everytime he turned his back. In fact, the more Phil thought about it, the more he realized he never let his back go unprotected. He watched Phil's every move while keeping his back to the wall. Every loud noise made him squeak and curl up into a ball. 

"Where's Tommy?" Technoblade threw the door open looking for Philza. Techno nearly had a heart attack when he heard Tommy's distressed yelp. 

"Shh... He's adjusting... He doesn't like sudden movements or loud noises." Philza gently approached the boy with some apples. "Tommy? Do you want something to eat?"

"Mmhm..." Tommy looked pale and sickly. His face was stained red with tears and he just looked pathetic. It broke Philza's heart to see his son like this. Wilbur was present before he died but Tommy just looked gone. The past few days tore him down. He was at his weakest when he jumped from his tower and now he was being thrown about like a rag doll. He was hurt and scared, it killed Philza. 

"Okay, I'm placing the plate in front of you, is that okay?"

"Mhmm.." Philza placed the plate where he said he would and Tommy grabbed it quickly. Had Dream not been feeding him? It wasn't hard to believe. He watched Phil as he ate but he seemed to be a bit more comfortable none the less.

"He's a wreck. I'm going to kill Dream for hurting him." Technoblade turned to Phil with murder in his eyes but Phil just shook his head. 

"Look at him Techno, this kid has been through too much. Lets just... Let him be. No revenge, no bloodshed, let's just be a normal family." Phil gave Technoblade a pleading look but Techno didn't seem to hear him. 

"We'll see, I'll make no promises, though." Philza nodded in understanding even if he didn't agree. 

"Hey Toms, let's get you up to your room, I think you'll be more comfortable there than out here." Philza knelt down and reached a hand out to the boy. 

"Okay." His first word since he got here, that brought Phil a lot of comfort. Tommy didn't grab his hand but he did follow Phil willingly. Tommy already knew where his room was so he rushed in and shut the door. Phil reached his hand out before giving up and going back downstairs. 

Techno held his head in his hands. He fucked up everything he touched and he knew it. He couldn't keep anyone around but Phil and he was convinced the only reason Phil stayed was because technoblade protected him. He'd never confronted Phil about it and he knew now was not the time. When he heard the door slam, he decided it was best to go outside and walk around to cool off. The voices were loud today, too loud. He swung his sword around viciously to try and tire himself out but it only riled him up more. The voices took on the form of Phil and Tommy along with Tubbo. All were separately yelling at him for their own respective betrayals from Technoblade. That's when Tommy's death played in his head and he fell to the ground in pain. His head was throbbing with every beat of his heart increasing the volume of the screams. Fuck he couldn't take this much longer, how did he shut them up? Blood? He'd spill every drop of blood on the planet to get them to stop. That's when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He shivered as his mind convinced him it was Dream. He jumped up and backwards to get away from the source of the touch before drawing his sword.

"Techno, it's me, you're okay." Philza sounded oh so tired when he spoke. Dark circles were horribly noticeable on his face. Techno's eyes couldn't help but be drawn to them. 

"I'm sorry Phil I'm just... Out of it." Technoblade wasn't lying per say, he was most definitely out of it. However, that didn't quite get to the root of the problem like Philza wanted it to. 

"I know things are tough right now but we-" 

"don't you DARE tell me to be strong or some bullshit like that. I am doing my best, but forgive me if the last few days have been a fucking Rollercoaster. Tommy is here, then he isn't, Tubbo is here, then he isn't, now Tommy is back again but.... He isn't." Techno covered his eyes with his hand. 

"Techie..."

"No. Don't call me that right now. I need to cool off in the nether, I'll be back in the morning." Technoblade left without another word leaving Philza alone in the snow. 

Tommy watched the scene unfold from his window. He couldn't think of much without feeling ill. So instead, he just elected to watch Techno and Phil as if they were characters in a bad drama. 

"Tommy? Is that you? You look terrible."


	11. The Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wilbur helps Tommy think about some things and agrees to bring Tubbo to Tommy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyy I wrote this chapter once but the progress got lost so... Fuck AO3. Anyways, tonight's stream put me in a good mood so happy chapter? Kinda?
> 
> Suicide attempt, self harm, manipulation.

Tommy screamed and looked for the source of the sound but couldn't find anything. He went to draw his sword but was quickly reminded that he left it. Damn it! Why did he always do this? 

"W-whos there?" Tommy held himself as an attempt at comfort but quickly felt relieved as he got handed a little blob of clear blue liquid. The longer he held it the darker it got but he didn't pay that any mind, he just liked the feeling off the stress leaking out of him. "Wilbur?"

"It's me! You guessed it!" Ghostbur giggled as he appeared In front of Tommy. "How are you? You looked sad so I got some blue just for you!" 

"Thanks Ghostbur. Appreciate it..." when he looked down at the blob it was a deep navy blue.

Wilbur danced around the room as he investigated his surroundings. "I went looking for you the other day but I couldn't find you, where were you?" He stood in front of Tommy and tried to hand him more blue but Tommy refused.

"I was with Dream. He uh... Was helping me." Tommy rolled up his sleeves to show the arrow wounds which also drew attention to the cuts on his arm. Wilbur tilted his head in confusion. 

"Tommy, was Dream hurting you?" Wilbur said it in his pure tone of voice but it still shook Tommy to his core. 

"What?! Of course not! Oh my God Wilbur, always jumping to the darkest conclusion!" Tommy tried to play it off like he usually did but something was off and Ghostbur knew it.

"People do tend to tell me I'm naive..." Wilbur took one last look at Tommy before deciding he was satisfied and left Tommy alone about it. "Why'd you come back here then? If Dream was caring for you why leave him?" 

"Trust me, I didn't want to but... Philza took me and Dream couldn't stop him." Tommy grabbed at his arm while refusing to look Ghostbur in the eyes. 

"Dream? Noooooo. He can take anyone! Even Technoblade! You know that. You had to get Tubbo and Sapnap together to beat him before, remember?" Wilbur danced around the room as he spoke, reenacting the scenes as he went. 

"That was then, plus Technoblade is better than everyone on this server combined. Dream will rescue me when it's safe, I'm sure." Tommy wasn't sure. In fact, he doubted every word that left his lips. Why'd he even want to be rescued? Wouldn't Dream just hurt him again? Dream did say it was necessary but Tommy wasn't always sure what he'd done wrong. 

"I suppose. I'm just a little confused is all but that's okay." Wilbur placed some blue on Tommy's nightstand so he couldn't refuse it. "I'll be going now, bye!" and with that, Ghostbur disappeared into nothingness. Tommy wished he was a ghost sometimes. Popping up wherever and scaring the shit out of people. No one could hurt him as a ghost. He was so tired of people hurting him and him hurting people. He just wanted to be happy like Ghostbur. Ghostbur didn't have to face the consequences of Wilbur's actions. He got away with everything because he didn't remember them. Sometimes Tommy questioned if that was true. It was stupid but sometimes Ghostbur would say something that he really shouldn't remember. Sometimes he took it back but other times he stuck to it. Why did he remember his death? Wilbur cried as he died, that was a sign of sadness wasn't it? 

"Tommy? Can I come in?" Philza's soft voice traveled through the door but it was faint. 

"Sure." Tommy didn't really feel this room was his anymore so he didn't care who came in and who didn't. 

"I see you're feeling better. You don't look so scared. Do you want to talk?" Phil knew better than to approach the boy but he really wanted to. He wanted to hug Tommy and protect him from everything. "I never got the chance to talk to you about-" 

"No. I don't want to talk, I'm fine on my own." Tommy knew he was being stubborn but he couldn't stop himself. 

"Tommy please, this is serious. Tubbo... Tubbo heard you screaming while you were with Dream. What did he do to you?" Philza tried to be vague so if Tommy needed to, he could wait to answer till he was ready to remember. 

"What time. Sometimes we fought, sometimes I hurt myself. Sometimes Dream thought he needed to punish me and so he did. Nothing crazy." Tommy honestly didn't know which time he was referring to. Tommy screamed a lot, he enjoyed getting his energy out that way. Maybe Phil mistook him screaming for fun as him actually in danger? 

"There was a time that you were just screaming his name over and over again like he was hurting you... When Tubbo came back and told us he was... He wasn't okay." Philza had slowly made his way over to Tommy before sitting on the bed. Tommy joined him. 

"That was my fault."

"Was it really? Or did Dream just say it was?" 

"I hurt myself. I was trying to get Dream's attention so he could help me." Tommy stood right back up and balled up his fist. "Why are you guys always SO convinced he's the bad guy?! Dream, despite our past, is my friend! He's the only one who gives two shits about me! You would have left me to rot if I wasn't your son, admit it!" Philza hesitated. Was it true? Would Philza help him if he wasn't his son? 

"Tommy I-" Philza tried to stop him from leaving but it was no use. 

"Think about it Phil. Really fucking think about it." Tommy wouldn't show Phil but tears were streaming down his face. He didn't want to be right but something told him he was. Philza didn't care about him, not really. He went downstairs and tried to leave but found the door was locked. "What? What's going on?!". 

Philza came down the stairs and frowned at Tommy. "I... I locked all the exits... I was scared you'd try and leave." 

"What the fuck, Phil?! I'll leave if I damn want and you can't stop me! I won't let you trap me, I won't!" Tommy tugged on the door trying desperately to open it but had no luck. "I'll fucking kick this open!" 

"Poor child..."   
"He's kinda pitiful, huh?"   
"This is to protect him, he can't survive on his own."  
"Only we can protect him.  
"He needs us."

Philza's head buzzed with thoughts as he watched the scene go down. A part of him wanted Tommy to be quiet again but that was wrong, right? "Tommy..." 

"No! No! No, no, no!!" Tommy lunged at Philza and tried attacking him but Tommy was so frail it barely hurt Phil. "Let me out!! Let me out!!" 

"Tommy I can't, you'll die without me!" Philza felt sick at those words. Something about them felt so wrong even though he believed he was right. 

"He's mad."  
"He's going to try and hurt you."   
"don't let him escape."  
"Show him how weak he is."   
"Prove he needs you." 

Phil growled and pinned the small child under him. "Listen to me." Tommy squirmed under him trying to escape. "You can't live without me, you will be killed." Phil tightened his grip on Tommy's wrists as Tommy squealed in pain. "Do you understand, Tommy?" 

"Phil please, I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me..." Tommy was a sobbing mess under him as Phil began regaining his control. "Please... I'll stay in my room, I won't bother you I promise just please let me go..." Tommy's sobs made him hard to understand but Phil understood exactly what he meant. 

As soon as Phil came to it he scuttered off the boy in a panicked frenzy. "Tommy! Fuck I'm so-" He hadn't let something like that happen since Techno and Wilbur were kids. Was Tommy even around then? He couldn't quite remember. 

As soon as Phil let go Tommy bolted to his room and hid. He was terrified and knew he had screwed up somehow. God, he just pissed off everyone no matter what he did. Everyone wanted to hurt him and he didn't understand why. When had his life gone so wrong? 

Tubbo gazed down at the country below him. He was on the roof of a house in L'manburg. He couldn't remember why he came up here or if there was even a reason in the first place. He considered going back to Techno and Philza to have them help him search for Tommy but something told him he wasn't welcome. He watched as Fundy ran around aimlessly and Ghostbur stalked him. Ghostbur had been watching him quite closely the past few days but there wasn't entirely a reason as far as Tubbo knew. Though to be fair, it was Ghostbur. There was hardly ever a reason for anything he did. Nikki sat under the L'manburg tree as she drank a cup of tea and Eret was running some sort of errands. There was always something going on and that brought Tubbo some sort of comfort. That's when Ghostbur spotted Tubbo and decided to join him. 

"Tubbo! Why are you on the roof?" Wilbur just appeared behind Tubbo which obviously startled him. Jesus he hated Wilbur being a ghost sometimes. 

"I'm just thinking about things..." He knew Ghosbur wasn't satisfied with that answer but Tubbo was hoping he wouldn't push for details. 

"Tommy? I saw Tommy today! He looked sad but I didn't understand why... He even refused my blue, can you believe that?" Ghostbur sat down next to Tubbo as Tubbo looked at him bewildered. 

"Was he okay?!" 

"I just said he was sad, how much worse could it get?" that wasn't reassuring in any manor. 

"Was he still with Dream?" Tubbo knew the answer but wanted to ask anyways. 

"Nope!" Nevermind! Now Tubbo was truly confused.

"Where was he? Did he get away somehow?" Tubbo leaned into Ghostbur's personal space but Ghostbur didn't seem to mind at all. 

"He was at the cabin, with Techno and Phil! He wanted to go back to Dream, I think, but something was scaring him." Wilbur swung his feet over the edge. "I don't really wanna talk about it... I should go."

"No! Wilbur please stay! Take me to Techno's cabin so I can see Tommy, maybe I can make him feel better." Tubbo was sure that wasn't true but Ghostbur seemed to think it was a grand idea on Tubbo's part. 

"Really? Then what are we waiting for?" Ghostbur jumped up and made his way off the roof. Tubbo wasn't sure why he didn't just teleport down but very little seemed to make sense with Wilbur. 

"I don't really know... I just hope Tommy will talk to me." Tubbo followed suit and made his way from the roof to the deck. 

"To Tommy!!"


	12. The Blizzard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mother nature really doesn't want Tommy and Tubbo to reunite. It's almost suspicious...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of suicide attempts, self harm, freezing, and manipulation. Seriously don't read this if any of those things bother you. I love you all and I want you to stay safe. Go drink some water, eat something, and sleep soon if it's late.

"Alright, we've got food, medical supplies, weapons, what else?" Ghostbur rummaged through their bag of things disrupting the organized state Tubbo had left them in.

"Something to keep us warm?" Tubbo was wearing a winter coat but he knew it wouldn't be enough. He still remembered last time and he didn't have Phil with him now. 

"We can't pack a whole campfire, Tubbo! That'd be silly." Ghostbur shook his head at the boy but Tubbo just gave him a blank stare. 

"No, but we could pack the things needed to make a campfire?" Tubbo placed a few bits of coal, wood, and some sticks in the bag. It wouldn't hold much more so they'd have to carry the rest on their person. 

"Right, of course! I always knew you were a genius, Tubbo." Wilbur beamed as he swiftly picked up the bag and made his way outside. They wanted to start their journey in the morning to keep as much daylight as possible. Stopping for the night wasn't comfortable and anything they could do to avoid it would be done.

"Alright Ghostbur let's head- and he's gone..." Tubbo sighed and made his way outside too. When he go out he saw a pleasant smile on Wilburs face and a cool breeze in the air. It was a warmish day despite being the middle of winter so Tubbo decided to put his coat in his bag and just wear a jacket for now. He felt good about this, he wanted to see Tommy and try to help him. He could help him, right? They'd been best friends for as long as Tubbo could remember, they'd surely known each other well enough to help each other in situations like this. 

Tubbo and Ghostbur started their journey but it didn't take long for the temperature to drop unbearably low. When they left, it was around 50-60 degrees Fahrenheit but now it was more like 20. It dropped gradually but quickly, almost sending Tubbo's body into shock. 

"What? What's happening?!" Tubbo fell into the snow dusted grass and curled up into a ball to try and trap his body heat. "The temperature just... Just... That's not possible..." He weakly tried to grab his coat from his bag but removing his arm from the bundle felt like it almost killed him. Ghostbur took notice and helped him, draping the coat over the small boy. 

"I don't remember the weather being like this. Then again, this seems uncomfortable which probably made me sad. So I probably forgot about it." Ghostbur wanted to hold the boy close to him but he's been told that his touch chills people. 

"It's not like this. This is wrong, this isn't natural at all. This is going to have some consequences I'm sure but for now..." He doubled over passing out for a moment before coming to with his face on the ground. "We need to find shelter." Tubbo couldn't remember the last time he passed out. It was weird, his body was in panic mode for sure. 

"Alright, how about that little cave?" Ghostbur pointed to a comically small cave. Almost like a crack in the mountain. It was way too small for the both of them so Tubbo would have to carve it out some more. Problem was, his body was way to cold to do anything. He knew if he got moving he'd feel better but it would take some time and he was scared he'd freeze before he felt better. As soon as that thought finished, snow began to fall. It wasn't gentle snow either but snow that would drown L'manburg if left to fall for too long.

"We're dead Wilbur... We're going to die..." Tubbo felt an overwhelming dread fall over him like the snow. 

"Don't worry Tubbo, I'm already dead! Though this snow might make me disappear..." Tubbo shot Ghostbur a piercing glare as Ghostbur got an idea. "Go in the cave and set up the fire. I'll phase into the walls while you carve the place out."

Tubbo screamed at himself to get up. He just had to get up and he'd be okay. He had to see Tommy again. He wasn't done yet, he still had work to do! 

Tubbo stood up and made a dead sprint into the cave. The snow got heavier with time which made it harder to see. He could make it, he had to make it. Before he knew it, he was inside and Ghostbur's voice carried through the walls. 

"I'll close up the entrance, you warm up." it was moments like these that made Wilbur glad he was dead, glad he didn't get cold. He didn't remember what cold felt like which probably means he didn't like it all too much. He remembered chilly and warm, but not cold. 

Tubbo began mining the place out, warmed only by the fire to his right. When the least amount of required space for the two of them was achieved, Tubbo collapsed on the floor. Ghostbur came back into view and looked at the exhausted boy. A ping of brotherly love surged through him as he smiled. It felt like a part of Alivebur had come through him but as soon as it came, it went. Leaving only Ghostbur behind to look at the worn out Tubbo. 

"Here! Have some blue, Tubbo! It might make you feel better." Wilbur handed Tubbo a handful of blue, clear blobs. It did make Tubbo feel better but not in the way he needed. He placed the stuff in his pockets as he stared at the fire. He clung to his coat trying the imagine the sides were Philza's wings wrapping around him protectively. It gave him a bit of comfort but nothing that made any difference. 

"I'm scared Wilbur. I don't want to die here, not like this..." Tubbo felt a chill run through him at those words. It was true, but something made him hesitant to speak those words. Death was something Tubbo had experienced before. It hurt for a moment but no more than that. Not physically, anyway. He still had burn marks on his skin from Technoblade exploding him with fireworks. He was still traumatized from the final control room. He could still remember the sword intruding in on his body. Tubbo wondered if Wilbur could feel it too, the sword in his back. He had a scar there that was always dripping blue. I'd didn't seep through his sweater like you think it would, it just drips a little then vanishes. 

"We'll be fine! I'm sure this storm will pass" Ghostbur floated upside down with a smile on his face. "We've been through worse, I'm sure!" he returned to a normal upright position before going through the wall to look outside. "Just not yet..." 

The fire helped, but Tubbo was still really cold. The temperature felt like it just kept dropping. He wondered how Tommy was before a thought crossed his mind. Was Tommy out in this storm too? They hadn't reached the snowy mountains yet but it was probably so much worse over there. 

"We can't move with this blizzard here but... I feel like we need to keep going for some reason. Something inside me is telling me to get a move on despite the storm." Tubbo felt so stupid after saying it aloud but Ghostbur agreed. 

"I know right? It's kinda strange... Like an outside force is talking." Ghostbur wiggled his fingers in a teasing manor which just made Tubbo sigh. 

"Don't tease me..." Tubbo looked away and curled up in a ball. Wilbur looked confused before he realised. 

"I was being serious, Tubbo! Let's keep going!" Tubbo shook his head. 

"You'll melt. I can't let that happen." Tubbo just wanted to sleep at this point so he ignored Wilbur's protests and rested his head on the wall before drifting off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to me weeeee
> 
> Sorry about the lack of chapter updates the past two days. Me and a good friend of mine have birthdays very close to each other so the past few days have been spent celebrating together. Might not update Tuesday too, we'll see. 
> 
> I love you all and I really hope you enjoy my take on the Dream SMP!


	13. The Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza finally explains the family curse to Tommy in hopes of making amends with the boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicidal thoughts, blood, manipulation, implied death/murder. 
> 
> Man I'm tired. Got a lot of exposition done in this chapter so that's good lol. Love you all and I hope you like the longer chapter!

Philza hadn't heard a single noise from Tommy for the past day. He left him food and water but it all remained untouched. He fucked up and he knew it but he didn't know how to fix it. Tommy's words invaded his mind unrelentingly. He didn't want them to be true but the more he thought about it, the more he believed it. If Tommy wasn't his son... If this was some random child... Would he have left him to rot? The image of the boy, dead, played in his mind. Blood coating the snow like poison infecting the earth. He was awake but all these pictures still danced in his head like a sick daydream.

"Phil? Phil can you hear me?" Techno waved his hand in front of Philza's face in hopes of getting a response. Phil jumped back and fell out of his chair causing Techno to jump back himself. They looked at each other before laughing as Technoblade helped Phil up. 

"Sorry Techno, I'm just in my own world today I suppose." Philza brushed himself off but Technoblade just shook his head.

"Phil, you don't space like that unless it's got something to do with us." Technoblade looked up the stairs and immediately realized what had him so spun up. "Where's Tommy?"

"He's upstairs in the room at the end of the hall. I-" Philza shook his head before taking a deep breath. "I attacked him." That made Philza sick to say out loud. He hadn't come to terms with it yet so saying it just dug up memories of the terrified boy. 

"You what? Why?!" Techno held Phil by his shoulders which just made Philza break down. Techno loosened his grip and tried to step back but Phil wrapped his arms around Techno, trapping him. 

"You know why! I'm usually fine! I can usually keep them in check but-" Philza took a step back before wiping his eyes. "Tommy is so young... Why did he- When did I fail him so horribly? Him and Tubbo both..." He couldn't look Techno in the eyes as he spoke. Philza was right, Techno understood without Phil having to explain much.

It was a family curse, really. Everyone was plagued with horrifying voices that could take over at any moment. Like spirits fighting for control. Techno had them the worst out of everyone since he had a trigger, blood. Seeing blood would send him into a murderous frenzy but that was unique to him. Philza's voices acted more as impulses. They were why he had so many children both biological and adopted. His voices usually weren't violent, just condescending and over protective. Sometimes, though, when he was stressed, he'd snap. His urge to lock up all his children to protect them would take over and Techno would be stuck in his room for hours. He was usually set off when Techno attacked someone or vice versa which meant that Wilbur didn't experience Philza's breaks often. That didn't mean never, however. By the time Tommy was born, Philza learned how to control himself better so it didn't happen to him or Tubbo. This was the first time Phil had lost it around him. 

"It's okay Phil. I'm sure Tommy understands. He knows about what we suffer from, he knows-" Philza cut Techno off and shook his head more. 

"I never told him."

"What?"

"I never had the chance." Philza turned around and left before Technoblade had the chance to process the new information. How hadn't Phil told him? Techno had known since he was able to think! That was important information and Phil just never got the chance?! Bullshit! He was scared, that's why. Phil was just a fucking coward! Techno didn't like that thought. He knew that wasn't true but he had no other explanations. 

Tommy was shaking. He'd been shaking for hours like he was freezing. He wasn't cold, though. He was absolutely terrified. He trusted Philza almost as much as he trusted Tubbo so that event- it shook him to his core. He messed up, but he didn't understand why. He just wanted to leave, why was that bad? Was it because he raised his voice? He always raised his voice at Phil and that never happened. He must have done something bad, really bad. 

He tried to stand up but fell to the ground with a horrible Thunk. He hit is head on the bookshelf, fuck. Was he bleeding? No, that was good. Though it would most definitely leave a big bruise. That's when he realized he made noise, and a lot of it too. Philza would probably come up to check on him. God he really didn't want that, what if he messed up again? 

Techno heard the sound of falling from upstairs. He assumed a crate had fallen and made his way to the source of the sound. He opened the door to Tommy's room and saw the terrified boy doubled over on the floor. He had forgotten about Tommy- fuck. The boy was shaking as he held his head in his hands. He wasn't bleeding which meant Techno could get closer. 

"Tommy? What happened?" The only thoughts going through Tommy's head was a string of assorted curses. He didn't want Philza, sure, but he preferred Phil over Techno. He hated looking pathetic and he knew Techno would only rub it in more. 

"I... I fell. No big deal." He tried getting to his feet but he was still shaking so it ended the same way. He fell to the ground which caused Techno to rush over to him and grab him. 

"And now you're a Hazzard to yourself. Come on, you're under my watch now." he hoisted Tommy up and began to carry him out. 

"Put me down!! Put me the fuck down! I'm not helpless I can walk by my goddamn self!" Techno just shrugged and placed the boy down. He gave Techno the middle finger before standing, taking one step dow stairs, and falling. Blood. The second he felt the liquid trickle down his face he knew he couldn't let Technoblade see it or smell it. The second would be harder than the first but maybe he could clean it up in time. He frantically wiped his forehead with the bottom of his shirt but quickly realized his shirt was white. More blood came and Tommy knew there was nothing he could do, that was it. He was dead. 

Technoblade knew exactly the outcome of that fall. To be fair, he hadn't expected Tommy to fall down the stairs, just fall in general. He could already smell the blood from the top of the stairs but he knew he needed to stay calm. This was his little brother. Little baby Tommy, he couldn't hurt him, not now. He carefully made his way over to Tommy while handing him some cloth to wrap around his head. Techno could feel himself slipping but he fought himself to at least get Tommy somewhere comfortable. He picked the boy up and tossed him on the couch before going upstairs and shutting the door. 

Tommy let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Letting his heart race felt good but it still left him with a sick feeling in his stomach. He was still alive, he was okay. Most people who cross Technoblade's blood lust didn't live to tell the tale. It was the only was Schlatt could convince Techno to shoot Tubbo. The promise of blood made him mad. But here Tommy was, alive and unharmed. Maybe it was because by the time Techno got there, most of the blood was dried but Tommy wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

When Philza stepped through the door, Tommy jumped. He quickly realized what was wrong, though, as snow poured through the door with him. Today was warm, Tommy knew that much. It wasn't the type of day for a blizzard. 

Philza fought the wind to close the door but it took him a while. When the door was locked, Phil looked down at the melted snow, took note of Techno's cape, then looked at the terrified Tommy. He was surprised Tommy was downstairs. He didn't do all the much moving on his own. 

"Toms?" As he approached the boy, Tommy jumped back and hid in a blanket. Philza stepped back and decided to comfort the boy from afar. "I'm so sorry Toms, I didn't mean to hurt you." that pissed Tommy off. 

"You jumped me! You locked me in the house like a crazed murderer!! You're no better than Dream!" That hurt, a lot. Hearing your son say that you're no better than their abuser isn't something you can just brush off in a moment. 

"Tommy- There's something I never told you." Philza sat down where he stood and crossed his legs which allowed Tommy to calm down a bit. "Our family has a bit of a curse. You've probably noticed growing up that Techno is-" That's when Phil noticed the bandage. He was so spun up about the blizzard he hadn't even noticed. "Wait? Did I do that?" Tommy shook his head which put Phil at ease. 

"I fell down the stairs. Techno patched me up before I lost too much blood." all serenity left Philza's body as he got up and searched the boy for further injuries. Tommy screamed and moved away from him, hiding behind the wall that divided the living room and the kitchen. 

"Tommy, how bad did Techno hurt you?! I need you to let me help you!" Philza knew where Tommy was but didn't want to scare him further and have Tommy injure himself more. 

"He didn't! He threw some bandages at me and left upstairs!" Tommy shouted back. He crumpled to the ground and shook. He hadn't realized how cold the house had gotten. The cabin got cold, sure, but not like this. This felt unnatural. Philza noticed too and turned to the fireplace. 

"I'm going to light a fire, then we can talk, okay?" Philza tried to keep his voice low. Tommy was going to be terrified of him no matter what he did but he still was going to try and make the boy comfortable. 

Tommy felt his body begin to relax. The thought of a fire was a peaceful one, a warm one. He remembered everyone gathering around the fireplace when he was little to talk about their days. Tubbo usually just played with his toys in the other room but Techno always had interesting stories. Sometimes they'd scare Tommy so he'd have to sleep with Phil for the night. That memory brought tears to his eyes. Philza always protected him as a kid, why not now? When had he become so cynical and suspicious? Tommy made his way over to Phil and sat beside him without speaking. He didn't want to be touched, he wasnt ready yet, but he could sit beside him. 

"Are you ready, Toms?" Tommy nodded his head so Phil started his tale. "When I was younger, I made a- 'deal with the devil' if you want to call it that. I fell in love with a woman, I know it's stupid but I did. She had the most gorgeous brown hair that enchanted me and anyone else who saw it. She didn't care for me, though. So I did what any lovesick maniac would do and-yeah. As promised, she fell in love with me and the twins were born. Wilbur was human looking, a splitting image of his mother. Techno, however, wasn't. He had pig like features with noticeably pink hair. His lips had subtle dips in them like baby- that's when she started to cry. At first she refused to believe the child was hers but she obviously couldn't claim that for long. I hadn't thought about it till she said it but she begged me to believe she hadn't cheated on me. The nurse rushed the babies away as she revealed the truth to me. She wasn't human by any means. She was a piglin through and through. She had been using illustrations for years to ensure she wasn't hunted by humans. I didn't care at all, I loved her regardless. But even so, I could tell she was scared. I comforted her to the best of my abilities and the next few days were happy. She wasn't ready to be a piglin around me yet so she stayed human. I slowly started to notice something, though. Horrible voices plagued my mind everytime I looked down at them. Not that I wanted to hurt them, quite the opposite. I wanted to store them away from the world like a twisted fairytale. I hadn't paid it much mind but when she looked at me one night, I knew something bad was going to happen. I had that feeling, you know? That's when she asked me if we should give up Techno. She wanted to pretend she wasn't a piglin and try to be a happy family. Looking back, it was probably just a fleeting thought but something inside me broke. The voices flooded through like the dam had shattered and I went mad. I attacked her and..." Philza finally stopped. Tommy could piece together what happened without Phil saying it just by her absence. 

"Do Technoblade and Wilbur know?" Philza shook his head as he choked back a sob. Tommy didn't know why he felt he should scoot closer to Phil, even after what he just told him, but he did. He took Phil into a light embrace before Philza continued. 

"Raising a piglin, even a hybrid, is hard. Especially with a full human in the house. Making it harder was that I'd never raised children let alone piglin children. It wasn't a problem when he was a baby but as he grew up I quickly learned to always wear some golden item, usually a ring. This caused some problems still though, because as toddlers do, Wilbur usually took off his golden item and tossed it aside. Even though Techno couldn't hurt me, he could hurt Wilbur. That's when I learned about his obsession with blood. I kept an eye on him and eventually he moved from fearing gold to hoarding it. He eventually stopped attacking people so I didn't wear the ring as much but I did notice when it went missing. He never grew out of that, you may have noticed." Tommy nodded. "it was when Techno got into a fight with some other kid that I learned he had voices too. But unlike mine, his were violent, they wanted blood. I'm sure he would have been fine like me and Wilbur if he was human but his piglin instincts only made the bloodlust worse. People started calling him the blood God which he didn't take kindly to. His reaction only further cemented his reputation to the point where he accepted it and even took pride in it. He was still scared of me, though because of how protective I'd get. If he got hurt, sometimes I'd lock him in his room for hours before I came to my senses. Kinda like what I did to you. Wilbur was less of a problem child to he didn't face my wrath as much but when he did, it was usually because they did something stupid together. I'm sure Wilbur is thankful for the fact now, or at least, he would be if he remembered. By the time you were born, I'd gotten control of it. When I attacked you- it's the first time I've lost it in years." Philza took a deep breath. 

"What about my mom? What happened to her?" Tommy wasn't sure he wanted the answer to that question but he asked anyways. 

"I'm not sure I'm ready to confront that, I'm sorry Toms." Philza looked at Tommy for permission and when Tommy nodded, he pulled the boy in for a hug. 

"How do you feel?" 

"Better... Thank you."


	14. The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade learns the truth about his and Wilbur's mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! I guess this marks the end of my break lol. I'm officially one year older and I feel even manlier than before. (Yes that's a word) Anyways heres a bit more fluff for ya'll. 
> 
> All the usual warnings. Blood, suicidal thoughts, past murder, insanity. 
> 
> Someone told me adding an insanity tag was a good idea just in case so it's here. Take care of yourselves and I love you all.

That stubborn idiot of a kid. Why did he have to push him like this? All Technoblade wanted was to live in peace with no violence but that seemed to be the last thing everyone else wanted. With the butcher army and Tommy's attempted suicide, Techno couldn't catch a break. God he just wanted to end it all. Not kill himself, but kill everyone else. He could do it, he knew he could. A wither here, a firework there, no one could stop him. He pictured the server drowned in blood with bodies littered about. Damn it, he had to shut himself down but he didn't know how. He tried counting down but each name just brought a face to mind. Like he was subconsciously building a hitlist. That's not what he wanted. Wait, what was he doing? 

He hadn't been paying attention to the real world, only his mind. He hadn't noticed himself scratching helplessly at his door. He had locked himself in from the outside so he couldn't get out until Phil came. Plus the door was built for him along with the walls. They could handle his outbursts as if they were made of steel. His fingers were bleeding horribly from the intensity of the clawing. 

He had no control over himself, he knew that. As soon as he lent himself over to the voices he was at their mercy until either everyone in the area was dead or Phil came. Phil knew what to do to distract him long enough for Techno to come to his senses. He wished he could do it on his own but he never could remember what Phil did. This little head-space if his was temporary at best. As soon as he was broken from his rage he'd forget everything he was thinking about in the background. It was like this Techno never existed. 

Philza unlocked the door and opened it slowly. He knew Techno was on the other side so he was careful to not open it in his face. All he could hear were heavy pig like grunts. This wasn't a bad one of Technoblade's rages. He seemed still and observant while still lusting after Phil's blood. This kind of mindstate was Phil's least favorite, however. Usually he knew exactly what Techno wanted and how he would achieve it but when Techno was like this, it was impossible to predict what he'd do next. Not to mention, it wasn't uncommon for Techno to get worse the longer Phil is in front of him. Piglins and Angel's did not get along. Even fallen angels like Philza were targets for the nether creatures. Techno didn't see Phil as his father but rather an amazing meal. 

"Techie? Back away from the door please..." Philza slowly pulled out a ring from his pocket and handed it to Technoblade. This caused Techno to stumble back and examine the ring. Philza seemed less important than the ring to Techno so Philza had time to work. Phil knew he didn't have much time before Techno identified the ring as gold and added it to his pile so he had to be quick too. 

Techno hadnt noticed Phil talking to him. When he came back to the real world he saw himself examining a ring. It was the one Phil wore when he was younger. Technoblade knew Philza was just distracting him to buy time. 

The voices hissed for Techno to put the thing down and feast on Philza's weak body but the Piglin in him resisted. The ring came first, Phil could wait. 

Technoblade couldn't see Phil well since his eyes were trained on the ring but he could sort of make out what he was doing. Philza held an apple in his hands. It wasn't anything special but Techno could work out what he was doing. So golden apples brought him back, huh? He knew he wouldn't remember once he was awake but it felt nice to know anyways. He wondered if Tommy knew Phil's little trick but the longer he thought about it the more he doubted it. 

Philza was good at making golden apples. He'd done it since Technoblade was a kid to calm him down. He discovered the trick when he accidently dropped one during one of Techno's particularly bad rages. Phil had been trying to eat it to recover himself but Techno obviously didn't let him and ate it himself. It didn't bring him back completely but it definitely made him more manageable. This was a complicated process that had to be done one step at a time and no amount of experience made it easier. 

"Hey Techno... Want this? You really like them plus they'll make you feel better." Philza knelt down in front of Technoblade which made the Piglin uncomfortable and as a result, mad. Philza had to be quick now. He just gave the violent creature a huge advantage if he were to attack Phil so Philza had to ensure that didn't happen. 

Techno took a bite of the Apple as his tail swung around in delight. He seemed happier now, at least. Philza let Techno finish the Apple before talking to him. 

"How do you feel now?" Phil knew he would get much of a response but he still gazed at Techno expectantly. Technoblade just gave the man a hefty grunt as he eyed Phil's feathers. 

Techno felt a little bit of control now. He still wasn't himself and he began to forget the little voice version of himself. He still wanted blood but at least he was in control a bit. He dug his claws into the floor as he stared at Phil. He felt so strong, he could take the unarmed man right then and there. He could taste phantom blood in his mouth as he licked his lips. He wondered what angel's blood would taste like. Probably light and sweet. Like a sick frosting. He'd decorate his food with it for as long as it lasted. Angels were a rare treat so he wanted to savor it. He found himself eyeing Phil as he circled the man. He felt like a wolf circling a poor defenseless bunny. 

Phil wanted to shake from how terrified he was. He trusted Techno with his life when he was sane but when he was like this, he knew he could be killed at any second. Normally, this would be okay with him. Phil's blood alone could keep Techno happy for months so he wouldn't attack anyone till he ran out. Not now, though. Now Tommy was just downstairs. Tommy was much smaller than Phil and much more defenseless. Phil couldn't fail today, he had to ensure Tommy would be okay.

"Hey Techie... I want to tell you about your mom, okay? I know you never knew her but I think you might like to know what she was like." This made Techno stop dead in his tracks. Philza never spoke about his and Wilbur's mom. Even in his enraged state, the mention of his mother caught him off guard. "Is that okay?"

Techno Sat down and stared at Phil, waiting for him to continue. Phil found his behavior strange, he didn't usually move like this, but he paid it little mind. 

"Your mother never told me her Piglin name but she went by Rose as an alias. I only saw her true form once, but you look exactly like how I remember her. She didn't have hair like you do but I suppose that's because you're a hybrid."

Technoblade subconsciously ran his fingers through his hair. It was silky and long but also impossibly tangled. Wilbur always did his hair but Techno hadn't touched it since Wilbur died. He really hadn't thought about it but he should probably learn how to brush it himself. 

"Wilbur looks exactly like her human form did. That curled brown hair and enchanting brown eyes. It was hard looking at the two of you after she left... Sometimes it still is." 

"When... Leave?" Technoblade was coming back, slowly chipping away and the barrier keeping him from control. 

"She never wanted to leave. I- forced her. She wasn't ready to face the fact she was a Piglin so she proposed one night that we... Find a better home for you." Philza got a headache even thinking about it. The argument played in his head up until the exact moment he lost control, then it was only noise. Screaming and pleading. His name being called out as Wilbur cried in another room.

"Philza, what's wrong with you?! Philza!!" Then silence. Only the sound of faint cries and his own breathing. He could remember blood everywhere as he stared down at her now dead body. Her skin was pink along with her hair but she was still human. The illusion was probably freaking out, not knowing what to do with her brain not commanding it. 

Philza grunted as he pulled his hair. Reliving it once was hard but twice in a night? He overwhelmed himself and he knew it. That's when a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder. It was Techno, calm and collected. 

"Don't worry about it, Phil. I never needed a mom anyways." He chuckled but Phil just shook his head.

"You should have been given a chance to have one, though. You and Wilbur, Tommy too. None of you had a proper childhood and it's my fault." Philza was still playing the night in his head. It almost drowned out Techno's voice. Technoblade kept trying to shake him away but Philza just kept mumbling to himself. He was hyper ventilating. He tried tearing the skin from his arms as tears fell down his face. Phil hadn't cried over her like this since it happened. Come to think of it, did he ever really get the chance to mourn?

"Phil, it's okay. I'm right here Phil. Phil listen to me, it's okay." Technoblade slowed his own breathing, exaggerating it a bit in hopes Phil would copy him. It didn't seem Phil could hear him over his own thoughts, however. Technoblade was out of ideas. He didn't comfort people, that wasn't his thing. He didn't quite know what to do and- 

"Techno? Phil? What happening?" 

Tommy. Things were about to get a lot harder for Techno. This child feared them both so to see Phil in this state again would make things so much worse. At least, that's what Techno thought. 

Tommy pretty quickly read the room before urging Techno to leave. "I've got this, wait downstairs." Technoblade didn't trust that for a minute. Tommy was the most irrational, spurr of the moment, rude kid he'd ever met. How the he'll could he help someone, his own father, through a mental breakdown? Especially since he had no idea what was happening. "Technoblade, trust me."

Techno didn't like it but he went downstairs. Phil wouldn't hurt Tommy, that was comfort enough for Technoblade to leave the two alone. Worst comes to worst and Phil goes all dragon dad mode, locking Tommy away. Better Tommy than him, he supposed. 

"Phil, can you hear me? It's Toms... I'm proud of you. I know it's hard to remember what happened but you can face it, I know you can. Me and Techno can help you, too." Tommy wasn't entirely sure he understood himself. The words just flowed out of him and he hoped they were the right ones. He got confirmation when Phil nodded and wiped a tear away.

"I'm sorry Tommy, this isn't your problem. I'm a grown man, I should be able to handle myself." Philza laughed as he spoke. Tommy wasn't sure he liked the words spoken, but it brought him ease that he was calming down. 

"Dad I-" Tommy froze. Philza never really cared what his kids called him so they all called him by his name. Tommy never called him dad unlike Wilbur and Techno. Tommy always knew him as Phil so why, why did he just call him dad?

"Toms? Did you just-" Phil never thought he'd be so happy to be called dad. He never really like the title if he was honest so he didn't know why hearing his youngest call him that made him so happy. 

"No no no no! You're hearing things old man! Phil's going senile! I- Techno! Techno! Phil's going-" Tommy was cut of by Philza's embrace. 

"I love you too, Toms." Tommy melted into the embrace. He hated being touched but something about this hug made him feel warm and happy. He felt safe. He wasnt as sure he was alone anymore. This hug didn't feel lonely it felt loving. He was safe from Dream, he had a family. What more could he want? 

But most of all, why did he still want to die?


	15. The Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream and Tommy meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I can't keep a consistent schedule now It seems. I'm really sorry but I'll try to be better about it. 
> 
> Anyways, mentions of suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, self harm, blood, and manipulation. 
> 
> I love you all and please stay safe 💕

That night Tommy went snuck out of the house. The snow was still heavy, but it didn't deter him. He didn't really have a plan but he knew he would be out till morning. He was too stressed to sleep, he knew he'd have a nightmare so he didn't even bother with it. 

Tommy wandered around aimlessly for a couple hours before he stumbled across something. It was a large cobblestone tower, a proper one too. He wondered if he had built it and forgot, he wouldn't be surprised.

He took out a water bucket and climbed the thing. As he climbed, he thought about how he probably should have checked for a staircase inside, but he was too far up now to care. He kept going till he reached the top. It was a beautiful view. Everything seemed to sparkle under the night sky. He didn't recognize anything around him but it was memorizing none the less. 

"Ah, there you are Tommy." Tommy barely registered the voice in his head as he turned around expecting to see Phil or Techno but instead was met with a smiley face mask. He froze, what was he supposed to do? He could jump and try to catch himself with water but his hands were shaking so bad he didn't trust himself. 

Dream couldn't help but smile as he watched the boy twitch and squirm in front of him. He loved how uncomfortable he looked, it made him feel powerful. 

"What are you doing here, Dream?" Tommy held himself in a tight embrace as he spoke.

"What? Did you think I would leave you alone here? With them?" Dream shook his head in disappointment. "I see you've learned nothing." 

Those words seemed to trigger something that Tommy didn't like. A terrified feeling washed over him. He didn't know why, either. Inside something screamed at him to submit, that he did something wrong and if he was lucky, Dream would spare him. 

"Sorry..." Tommy Sat down at the edge of the tower and let his legs dangle. Dream Sat down beside him and sighed. 

"I've said it before-"

"I know, it's not my time to die and all that." Tommy rested his head in his hands in both frustration and sadness.

"Thats right. Come home with me Tommy, let's do this vacation right, shall we?" Dream smiled as he pulled the boy in for a hug. This felt wrong. When Technoblade and Philza hugged him he felt scared, sure, but it felt nice none the less. When Dream hugged him, though, it felt wrong. Something about this hug held malice and it triggered Tommy's anxiety. 

"I... I don't wanna go back. I wanna stay here, I want..." Wait, what did Tommy want? When he said he wanted to stay his mind disagreed. He didn't want to be with Dream or Techno. But he didn't want to be on his own either. So what did he want? 

Dream felt the rise and fall of Tommy's back as he tried holding his breath but failed. Dream knew this night would most likely end in Tommy jumping to his death but if he could stop it, he would. 

"Why do we have to be enemies? I thought we forgave each other.... Did I do something wrong?" Dream looked down himself before leaning back and looking at the sky. 

"You hurt and manipulated me." Tommy spoke in one quick breath. He didn't want Dream to hear him but he knew he did. 

"I'm sorry Toms. I only wanted to protect you." 

"You tried that tactic already, Dream. I won't believe you a second time." 

"Please, Tommy. Let me prove myself to you. What can I do?" Dream gave Tommy a desperate look but Tommy just looked away.

"Why do you care so much? You have the disks, Tubbo and I are separated, what more do you want?"

Dream wasnt sure how to answer that question. He wanted Tommy on his side but he didn't know why. What was so important about one stupid teenager? Why was he so insistent that Tommy had to be under his control? 

"You, Tommy. You're my friend. The fact that you don't trust me drives me mad... I wish I could go back and change things but I can't. I have to make up for them now." Dream knew that wasn't the case. Not entirely at least.

"You said that! You... You don't mean it..." Tommy shook his head as he started to cry softly. 

"I do, Toms... You're not an adult, I know it's hard to understand, but I do mean it. I only do the things I do to protect you." Dream saw Tommy shift positions and felt his heart stop. He was standing now with his hands folded behind him. 

"I don't want to be protected." Tommy started to walk away but Dream got up and stopped him.

"Where are you going?"

"Hell, probably." And with that, the boy disappeared into the clouds. He didn't pass out while falling this time. It felt like it was taking forever but he wasn't scared. He held the water bucket just in case he changed his mind. 

Tommy was quite surprised with himself. He wasn't coming out here to jump. He just wanted to clear his head. Then again, he wasn't expecting to see Dream either. Dream always had this way of making him miserable even at the best moments. It drove him nuts. But that didn't matter now, he wouldn't be conscious soon, or even alive for that matter. 

Tubbo and Wilbur looked outside their little cave to check the weather for the fourth time in the last ten minutes.

"Still snowing?" Tubbo poked their fire with a stick out of boredom. He wasn't sure how long they'd been stuck in here but it got old fast. 

"Yep! At this rate we'll see Tommy once he's all grown up!" Ghostburr seemed strangely delighted by the fact but Tubbo didn't share the sentiment. 

"Couldn't you just point me in the general direction so I can go without you?" Tubbo sighed knowing the answer. He'd already asked this question at least three times and he always got the same response.

"I have no clue where we're supposed to go... My legs just take me and I always make it!" Wilbur joined Tubbo by the fire. 

"Thats comforting." Tubbo threw the stick into the fire before groaning. "I'm boredddddd"

"let's play I spy!" Wilbur chirped, jumping to his feet.

"Okay... I spy... Something blue." 

"Is it my bag?" Tubbo nodded. 

"That was too easy." Wilbur looked around for something that would be hard for Tubbo to spot.

"I spy something Grey!" Tubbo rolled his eyes as he pointed at the ceiling.

"Is it the cave?" Tubbo glared at Wilbur. Realizing how horrible this game was in a small crampt cave.

"Nope! Try again." Wilbur was beaming but Tubbo just seemed more bored than before. 

Tubbo got up and looked outside again.

"Hey, the snow stopped?" Just to make sure he was right, Tubbo stepped out and held a hand to the sky. When he confirmed that no more snow was falling, he gestured for Wilbur to come join him.

"Perfect! Let's keep going then." Wilbur rushed ahead while singing some song that Tubbo didn't recognize.

"I'm coming Tommy, it's going to be okay. I promise."


	16. The Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The duo make it to the cabin but no one knows where Tommy is. Well, no one except Dream.

Tubbo didn't like traveling at night. His night vision was horrible and has been since Technoblade executed him. His eyes don't adjust to the dark well so it made everything hard to see. Despite this flaw of his, he could see figures lurking around. He could hear the crackling of bones, chrips, hisses, and groans. Those were all noises of mobs, that's weird. Mobs didn't really ever leave the caves they resided in. Each mob type had their own behaviors ranging from more pack behavior to completely solo. Tonight, however, each mob seemed to be ignoring these instincts and wandering around freely. Not avoiding other mobs or grouping with them, just wandering. 

"I don't like this..." Tubbo sighed as he looked over to Ghostbur. 

"I don't think I've ever seen mobs on the surface." Ghostbur nodded, looking around. 

"Thats because it's super rare. Something has to have them riled up or something..." Tubbo tried to ignore them but just like normal mobs, they attacked the pair on sight. Well, more accurately, they attacked Tubbo on sight. 

The two wandered around in the dark for hours, fighting mobs off while taking no breaks. When passing by a similar looking rock three times, Tubbo began to question Ghostbur's navigational skills but Wilbur insisted he knew where he was going.

With the sun high in the sky, the two finally spotted the cabin. It felt like they had found the fountain of youth. They cheered as they trudged through the snow to get to it. When Tubbo stepped foot on the porch, he collapsed. He was injured from the deviant mobs along with just being insanely tired in general. 

Ghostbur looked lovingly at the boy before knocking on the cabin door and sitting next to Tubbo. He rested Tubbo's head on his shoulder and passed out himself. 

Philza heard the knock on the door and rushed downstairs. The night before, Tommy had disappeared without a sound. He was so worried Dream had snuck in and took the boy, but he was trying to push the thought from his mind. This knocking, it had to be him. 

When Phil reached the bottom of the stairs, he flung open the door to see- no one? Who the fuck ding dong ditches a home in the middle of no where? Phil looked around outside before seeing two of his boys collapsed just left of the door. Tubbo was shaking from the cold and Wilbur just looked distressed in general. It wasn't who Phil wanted to see, but he'd never turn down a visit. Plus, he could use the manpower. 

Technoblade Sat up from his desk and threw on some proper clothes as opposed to the home clothes he was wearing. He came downstairs a few minutes after Phil, meeting him at the door just in time to see his brothers passed out. 

"Are they okay?" Technoblade asked as he leaned down to scoop up the younger. 

"Don't know... I just found them out here. They must have been traveling through that blizzard." Philza remembered how badly Tubbo had reacted to the cold. Even with this new puffy coat on, he looked like he was freezing. 

"You're probably right." Technoblade picked Tubbo up causing Wilbur to stir but not quite wake up. As Techno brought Tubbo inside, Phil started a fire to warm him. Techno set Tubbo down on the couch with a blanket before going out to wake Ghostbur up. 

"You came just in time, Mate..." Philza sighed as he looked out the window. 

Dream still hadn't calmed down. His heart was racing as he tried his best to take big hefty breaths instead of small useless ones. He couldn't stop Tommy from jumping. He tried throwing an enderpearl and placing water for Tommy to land in but he didn't have enough time. An image of items all over the ground plagued Dream's mind. No one screamed Canon in the chat which made the situation so much worse to Dream. The only time the chat was silent about a death, was when it was canon. He tried to reason that it was just too late at night and no one saw the death message but that excuse didn't stick long. Usually he'd ask himself why he cared so much but he couldn't think. He knew Tommy would probably end up jumping so why was he so shaken? 

Dream was using his trident to get to get to Logstedshire faster. He had to get there before Tommy got the chance to get away if he was there at all. No, of course he was there. He had to be there. With noon approaching quick, he thought about taking a rest. He thought about abandoning Tommy and forgetting he ever existed. Oh how nice that would be. He would get more time to spend with people he actually like. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he was forgetting the faces of his friends. He couldn't remember what George or Sapnap looked like. He knew their eye color and hair color but he couldn't picture their faces. Had it really been that long? 

Tommy was so fucking done. Sure, he hadn't come out there to jump but he did want to die towards the end, right? He was so sure he was going to die and yet here he was, alone in the forest around Logstedshire. He wasn't sure why he had respawned there but he had. Tommy was tired. He had stared death in the face so many times thinking that would be the day he'd finally be allowed to die and yet, he always lived. Either someone stopped him, or he was saved on a technicality. At some point he was just going to pull a Wilbur. With enough begging, he was sure Technoblade would kill him. Maybe if he annoyed him enough-

"Tommy?! Tommy please tell me you're out here!" That was Dream's voice. Dream couldn't know he was here, could he?

Dream searched around Logstedshire for Tommy watching the compass as it spinned. It was leading him to Logstedshire before but now, it seemed broken. That was a really bad sign. The compass never spun like that unless Tommy was dead or in the nether. Dream had to hope it was the second option but he knew it could very well be the first. 

Tommy didn't have much left in Logstedshire but he did have a burnt down home. He'd be more distressed about it if he wasnt so focused on getting back home and away from Dream. 

Tommy used some unburnt wood from the house to lead a fire to the since fixed nether portal. He could get around much faster this way, it was a brilliant plan. Or, it would be if he knew where the portal to Technoblade's house was. Oh well, all he had to do was escape Dream. 

He couldn't close the portal on the outside but he could trap Dream for a while. Tommy grabbed some left over wood and trapped the portal. It was near lava so the wood would burn eventually but for now, Tommy could get away. 

Tommy wandered around for a while. He wasn't entirely sure where to go but he knew how to get back at least. Tommy kept glancing behind him to ensure no one had followed him but something inside him kept screaming to hide even after he was confident no one was around. He ignored these instincts until he heard the sound of whistling. He knew exactly who it was from so he jumped into a cave and watched things unfold. 

Dream held the compass close. He didn't want Tommy to know he had it yet but it was essential to finding him. He knew he was close when the compass became more sensitive to his movements. He followed the needle until he approached a decently sized cave that seemed untouched. When he looked in he could see a little tuff of blonde hair hiding from him along with the sound of muffled, panicked breathing. 

Tommy couldn't belive it. The compass, Tubbo's compass, was in Dreams possession. He couldn't believe it. Dream knew where he was no matter what he did. This couldn't be happening.... Why, why him... Why can't everyone just leave Tommy alone?!

"Found you~"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some context about this world's mechanics!
> 
> Canon deaths are defined as deaths that remove a life. A death is Canon if it meets one or more of three requirements.
> 
> 1\. It was a death that Damaged the Brain  
> 2\. It was an intentionally player caused death  
> 3\. The victim intended on dying


End file.
